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Breaking Badass Power Rankings: ‘Felina’

By / 09.30.13

walt felina

Breaking Bad is one of the greatest shows of all-time, so while Cajun Boy recaps each episode, I’m here to give you a little something extra via the Breaking Badass Power Rankings, which ranks the most badass characters from every episode. Why “Badass?” Obviously, the so-not-clever-that-it’s-clever name, but also because Breaking Bad is the kind of a show that makes you want to drink an entire bottle of bourbon before watching it, to soothe your soon-to-be-tense nerves. That’s pretty badass. /realizes everything in that intro should be past tense now

Episode: “Felina”

Not Ranked: Hundreds of melted and buried corpses.

#10. Uncle Nazi and the Good-Time Gang

nazis

What could they have done differently? Well, first off, they could have decided to not hate everyone who isn’t white. (Living in Albuquerque was a poor choice.) Beyond that, and to focus specifically on the events of “Felina,” Uncle Nazi should have popped Walter when he had the chance. Outside or immediately inside. But the dreaded P-word, pride, seeped into his tattooed pores. He couldn’t kill the great Heisenberg while the sickly Walter White was accusing him of being something less than a great man who partners with rats. If only he, or anyone else in the gang, had been a great man who keeps his deadly promises…and throws car keys into the trash. Oh well, at least Uncle Nazi died the way he lived: smoking cigarettes, the ORIGINAL cancer killer. (Please don’t feel free to use that, Smokefree.gov.)

#9. Elliott and Gretchen Schwartz

schwartzs

-1: Elliott’s ears.

-5: Elliott’s lack of protection for his wife.

-5: Elliott’s posture (or his pants? I can’t tell, but: boooooo).

-10: Elliott’s emasculating butter knife.

+1: giving a lot of charity and treatment centers.

-100: Elliott and Gretchen functioning as atypical yuppies who are impossible to root for.

#8. Lydia

lydia felina

Actress Laura Fraser to Rolling Stone, on the possibilities of a Lydia spinoff: “Who the fuck would watch a show about Lydia?” Actress Laura Fraser in that same interview with Rolling Stone, on whether it’s fun playing “someone so awful”: “Oh God, yeah! To play someone that disgustingly irritating is hysterical. I mean, she makes me laugh so much. It’s so tense to play her, because she’s always on the verge of a heart attack, and when the day’s over, I feel immediate laughter.” Actress Laura Fraser to GQ, on Lydia being a “very, very sick little bunny”: “You know, she’s a very, very sick little bunny.” I miss actress Laura Fraser more than I miss Lydia.

(Here is the point where I SHOULD say something about Walt turning Lydia’s daughter into an orphan, and how the only reason she died was because of his ego, and how maybe we should be a little upset about this, and how the episode telegraphed the obvious ricin reveal, and how I immediately felt guilty for smiling during Walt and Lydia’s “flu” phone call, and the general tidiness of the finale, where everything kind of worked out for Walt, who died admiring his work, but I’ll leave that to other hand wringers. There are plenty of them on Twitter.)


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TOPICS#BREAKING BAD
TAGSBREAKING BAD FINALE COUNTDOWNBREAKING BADASS POWER RANKINGS

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