Let’s face it – as the gang from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia heads into its ninth season and 95th episode, there have already been a lot of shamefully, pathetically low moments for Dennis, Dee, Charlie, Mac and Frank. In fact, we find ourselves wondering what new lows they can collectively reach tomorrow, instead of whether or not they can rise above the bars they’ve already set, because that’s just what we’ve come to expect from Philly’s most narcissistic antiheroes.
Obviously, the task of picking their lowest moments is a difficult one, as they have so many – some would even argue that they have 94 low moments and counting – but it’s not hard to at least put our fingers on the ones that made us cringe the most and wonder, “How the hell do these imaginary characters continue to live with themselves and what fresh hell will meet them tomorrow?”
Here are 10 of the lowest, most rock bottom moments from the first eight seasons of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia as the start of the ninth season approaches, but feel free to share your favorite flashes of depravity as well.
While the thought of Charlie Kelly being a father is pretty terrible, it’s not even the most depraved part of this episode. That honor goes to Mac, as he took up the pro-life cause to impress a girl and pursue a physical relationship, and Dennis, who viewed the pro-choice side as the perfect place to meet women who are looking for casual, guilt-free sex.
After Dennis accidentally ran over Charlie, Frank showed up and realized that he wanted to return to the slum life so he could be a depraved maniac, sleep with strippers and live in squalor. It’s a testament to just how low the gang can go that Frank was ready to give all of his money away to charity, but instead realized that scamming strippers by claiming to be a wounded veteran is more the lifestyle for him.
Now that Frank owns the bar, Dennis and Dee decided this was their chance to fulfill their dreams of becoming a veterinarian and actress, respectively. Instead, they realized that life is a lot easier when you get to sleep in and never work, so as they tried to get on welfare and manipulate the system, they decided the next logical step was to become full-blown crackheads.
A favorite common theme of ours is watching the gang interact with old friends who have grown to be much better, more successful people, just like Dee’s high school rival, Fatty Magoo, who owned her own fashion boutique. Naturally, that drove Dee nuts, so her plan to also become a fashion designer obviously led to Frank and Mac opening their own sweat shop, complete with borderline slave labor.
It’s hard to really put a finger on the episode that makes us feel the sorriest for Matthew, AKA Rickety Cricket, but Dennis and Mac hunting him for sport is probably a good start. Especially since we got to see him living in a tunnel and sleeping in complete filth, all while knowing that it was Dee’s fault that the former priest sunk so low in the first place. One day, Cricket will hopefully have his revenge.
A true, shining example of the gang’s narcissism came when they read newspaper writer Lyle Corman’s horrible review of Paddy’s Pub in the local paper, causing Charlie to kidnap him. Instead of setting Lyle free and accepting a punishment, the gang did what it did best and dug itself deeper and deeper until they’d also kidnapped his neighbor and ultimately attempted to make Lyle believe he had amnesia, as if none of it ever happened. And, of course, Dennis only cared about his TV.
Frank’s descent into the depraved really hit an all-time low as he used Uncle Max’s funeral as a chance to “bang” his dead wife’s sister, Donna, because he openly admitted that he wanted to be as depraved as possible. When that plan failed, thanks to Mac’s interference and his desire for older women, Frank settled for a sexual relationship with his own niece, Gail the Snail, who may be the most disgusting character this show has ever produced.
Buying a boat was probably one of the gang’s more lighthearted and harmless decisions, but Dennis’ ulterior motive was devoid of any heart at all, as he wanted to use the boat and the open waters as a way to score with women “because of the implication” that they’d be all alone. No matter how he tried to spin it, the idea sounded insane as even Mac couldn’t wrap his brain around how horrible of an idea it was.
Dennis’ obsession with large-breasted women led him to news reporter Jackie Denardo, who happened to be covering the storm of the century that was threatening to wipe out Philadelphia. While Charlie and Mac freaked out over stocking the shelter beneath Paddy’s, Dennis not only tried to make it clear to random women that they wouldn’t be allowed in the shelter unless they slept with him, but he also took creepy to a new level with his obsession for Jackie. Oh, and throw in an absurdly racist conversation about looting between Frank and Dee for bonus depravity.
While Trevor Taft’s goal all along was to humiliate Dee (and Dennis, Mac and Frank by proxy), his gorgeous and wealthy sister, Ruby Taft, was actually, inexplicably in love with Charlie, despite his many, many, many flaws and disgusting, abhorrent behavior. But when it comes to Charlie, there’s only one girl – the Waitress – so when she realized that she sort of needs Charlie in her life and agreed to update her restraining order against him, that’s all he needed to hear and he immediately dumped the first girl that ever loved him. And leave it to Dennis’ obsession with filming everything that happens in his bedroom to help get revenge against the Taft family's company by exposing them for insider trading. Depravity had to work in the gang’s favor at least once.