Million Second Quiz (NBC, 8 p.m.) – Finale. That deafening sound that none of you heard over the past week or so has been no one anywhere talking about NBC’s big shiny confusing EVENT game show. The only person who deserves a pat on the back for this mess is whoever figured out how many days are in a million seconds. I thought about trying to figure it out myself just now and I immediately got a headache.
Conan (TBS, 11:00 p.m.) – Bumped up to the listings proper because Louis CK is the lead guest. Set your DVRs.
Childrens Hospital/NTSF:SD:SUV:: (Cartoon Network) – I love that we live in a world where there are two really funny, crazy-ass, 15-minute live-action comedies that run at midnight on Thursdays on a network otherwise devoted to cartoons. A+
Scandal (ABC, 10 p.m.) – ABC is re-airing the bonkers Season 2 finale tonight to get people all amped up for Season 3, which begins in two weeks. FUN FACT: I am going to recap Scandal like a breathless 14-year-old girl this season, and there’s nothing any of you can do about it.
Thursday Night Football: Chiefs vs. Eagles (NFL Network, 8:30 p.m.) – New Chiefs coach Andy Reid returns to Philadelphia. If the Eagles lose this game I will be completely inconsolable.
Parks & Recreation (NBC, Next Week) – We are seven days away from the one-hour, two-continent Parks & Rec premiere. This is both excellent (YAY) and terrible (BUT I WANT IT NOW) news.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: James Caan and Morena Baccarin are on Kimmel; Tina Fey is on a repeat of Letterman; Connie Britton is on Ferguson; Tim Allen and Dwyane Wade are on Leno; and Hugh Jackman, Gillian Flynn, and Elvis Costello are on Fallon.