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Couples In The Most Recent Cialis Commercial, Ranked

By / 10.17.13

Commercials for erectile dysfunction drugs can really only go one of two ways, because, as much as they’d like to, pharmaceutical companies can’t just come right out and say “DUDE, THIS IS FOR YOUR BONER.” The first option is innuendo: rockets blasting off, virile gray-haired men zipping footballs through the holes in tire swings, etc. The second is more subtle, and includes couples of a certain age doing normal couple things, with the implication being “Hey, you. You know how you do things with your wife? Well what if you, like, get horny while you’re doing them? Better have a boner pill handy.” These are my favorites.

The most recent Cialis commercial — which has technically been on TV for a few months but is in heavy rotation now that football is back — takes this second route. It features three couples: one playing a doubles tennis match, one building a bench together in their driveway, and one going for a peaceful boat ride in a lake. I will now rank these couple from worst to best.

3. Bench-Making Couple

bench

If I understand what this commercial is trying to say, and I think I do, the guy in Bench-Making Couple is taking Cialis because sometimes he and his wife get SUPER-TURNED-ON by woodworking (heh heh), and he doesn’t want to miss out on potential post- (or, I suppose, mid-) bench-making coitus right there in the driveway. “Hey, honey, I’m gonna run out and check the mail. Want to see if the new edition of the New Yorker is here y-… OH GODDAMMIT, Bob and Sharon and having sex in their driveway again.”

This is creepy and I do not like it. Also, they’ll get sawdust in all their sensitive places, and I can’t imagine that’s fun. Last place. F-

2. Boat-Rowing Couple

boat

I know what you’re up to, Boat-Rowing Couple. You’re going to try to have sex in that boat. Oh sure, you’re all “No no no, we’re just going out for a nice boat ride. It’s romantic, and the rowing is good cardio, which our doctor is always on us about now that we’re getting a little older,” but you can’t fool me. You’ve been out there long enough that the sun is starting to set by the end of the commercial, and you’re starting to get mighty cuddly and nuzzly, and I know for a fact that you planned it so the Cialis kicked in right as most people are heading back to shore.

To be honest, I like your moxie. Having sex in a tiny rowboat seems like a difficult enough task for the young and limber, so the bravado on display here alone is admirable. But I imagine it also requires quite an exertion of effort, and you’ve still got to row all the way back to shore when you’re done. (Or, God forbid, swim, if you get a little carried away and end up capsizing that vessel.) You could get stranded out there all night! And then what? YOU COULD DROWN.

You’re not as young as you used to be, Boat-Rowing Couple. It might be time to accept that.

1. Tennis Couple

tennis

You know what I like about Tennis Couple? They are WINNERS. Just look at them: Mr. Tennis Couple, that silver-haired fox, out there playing doubles tennis with his wife, who not only still looks very good in a short tennis skirt, but also is a forehand-blasting ringer on the court. They’re probably club champions. In fact, I bet their friends won’t even play against them anymore because they’re tired of getting embarrassed. That couple they’re playing against in the commercial? Probably a pair of saps who just rolled into town looking for a friendly game of tennis, only to end up $10,000 in the hole to Tennis Couple. “I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. IT WAS ALL GOING SO WELL. WE WERE UP $500. THEN WHEN THEY ASKED TO RAISE THE STAKES, THEY JUST GOT SO … SO … GOOD.” Now Tennis Couple is off in some suite in a fancy hotel, just waiting for the Cialis to kick in so they can make sweet love on a pile of grifted $100s. I bet they don’t even need the money. They just like the rush.


TAGSCIALIScialis couples rankedCOMMERCIALSHORNY WOODWORKERSPOWER RANKINGS

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