Last week, on Top Chef: Captain Vietnam offered to give crash courses in the country from which he so desperately wishes he came, “annoying” pulled ahead in the “Is Michael More Creepy or Annoying” contest and Sara said “I don’t mean to be a bitch,” which is what likable people often find themselves saying.
This week, on Top Chef: It’s the Halloween episode of Glee! The elimination challenge is almost certainly going to involve a mashup. A SPOOKY mashup. With that said, what follows are the random thoughts that came to mind last night as I watched the show.
-Sara and Travis survive, albeit at Janine’s expense. Sara is pretty broken up about it. “I feel like we failed her.” Travis looks bummed to, but for different reasons “I practically invented Vietnam”).
-Apparently it’s Travis’s day to make a phone call. His dad doesn’t know he’s gay? He probably doesn’t even know his son’s favorite bánh mì spot either.
-Quickfire time, only everything is wrapped in foil.
-”What happened in here? Who took the time to do this? And why?” Allow me to answer your rhetorical questions, Carlos…
1. They wrapped stuff in foil, just like last year. You should probably have watched last year’s show before going on this year’s show.
2. Poorly paid production assistants.
3. Because their bosses hate them (and us).
-Good news: Gail is here! Bad news: She’s not wearing a Reynold’s Wrap bikini. Oh yeah, all of that foil is Reynold’s Wrap. I have no problem repeating the name of their sponsor over and over again because I too wrap my entire kitchen in Reynold’s Wrap. Because I am insane. Insane for the unparalleled versatility of Reynold’s Wrap.
-Padma and Gail brought their moms. Not sure why. Probably because they asked if their moms could come hang out.
-The cheftestants are split into Team Lakshmi and Team Simmons, based on where they happen to be standing in their very natural Flying V formation.
-Each team has thirty minutes to make three dishes, and the moms will be doing the shopping. The chefs have to use whatever they find. I really hope there is a GE Monogram pharmaceutical cabinet in this kitchen.
-So much foil, so few recycling bins.
-Carrie is very excited that she has the ingredients necessary to make a sabayon. So excited that she says “sabayon” eight times in thirty seconds instead of noticing that she doesn’t have a whisk.
-Team Simmons: Sara and Steaphanie prepared lamb and fonduta with sharp cheddar (lamb with cheese sauce!). Justin and Michael (Sub-Team New Orleans) made red snapper papillote with rice pilaf. Carrie, Louis and Shirley have a frightening looking dish of compressed buratta with pickled apples and balsamic sabayon. That’s a lot of buzzwords.
-Team Lakshmi: Carlos and Travis present clams poached in fish sauce with coconut cream. It looks and sounds like the best dish yet. Nick and Patty follow with snapper and branzino papillote, because Reynolds Wrap insisted that parchment paper get equal time. Bene, Brian and Nina have a foul looking soup of beans, carrots, chiles and okra with a cherry chutney. So basically they got all of the crap that nobody else wanted to deal with.
-Team Lakshmi gets the win on the strength of the two dishes that weren’t mystery horror stew.
-The cheftestants learn that it’s almost Halloween time even though all of this happened months ago. That means that we’re getting a terrible theme episode. And it’s about time. I was starting to worry they’d wait for Thanksgivukah.
-Lea Michele is in the house, and Travis loves it. Come on, Travis’s dad.
-Stephanie outs herself as a big Gleek. She says she and Lea could totally hang out and it wouldn’t be weird. Speaking of weird…
- And “creepy” passes “annoying” on the straightaway.
-Teams of two cheftestants will be responsible for serving two dishes at Lea’s costume party. And if you see anyone dressed as Finn, it’s cool, he was still alive when this was filmed, so it might actually be that guy.
-People seem pretty happy to be cooking for Lea’s party until [record scratch] she’s a vegan.
-Cheese is her favorite food in the world. So she’s not really a vegan, but she does love the vegan lifestyle. And really, the lifestyle is the challenging part.
-Someone asks her for her favorite vegetable. “I like all vegetables.” Somebody asks if she likes beets. “No.” So what we’ve learned is that Lea Michele is a beet-hating cheese-loving LIAR.
I want more like this!
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