So, okay. This is not new, but I am just seeing it today, so please bear with me.
Let’s start out by being fair, because it would be very easy to point and laugh at this for hours on end, and I am nothing if not a person who has a compulsion to make things unnecessarily difficult. Here’s what we have here: a music video titled “I Love My Friends” (to the tune of Randy Newman’s “I Love L.A.”) starring Kardashian family matriarch Kris Jenner, which she made back in 1985 to celebrate her 30th birthday. This was something like two decades before YouTube, so in all likelihood it was originally meant as a cute thing to show on a projector at a big fancy 30th birthday party, not as an attempt to rocket to stardom. Fine. Great.
With that out of the way, HOO BOY is this terrible. It’s like Rebecca Black’s “Friday” if that song was about filthy rich people from the 1980s. She spends the whole video either on a treadmill or zipping around Beverly Hills in a Mercedes convertible, just basically listing the things she likes. My personal favorite is the grouping around the 0:50 mark, where she shouts out, in order, and I swear to God this is in there and you can check the video if you don’t believe me: the Holy Bible, the Cheesecake Factory, and high-end Beverly Hills jewelry store Tallarico. This told us everything we needed to know about the family 20 years before we even met them.
Also, because the video was produced by her husband at the time, famed Los Angeles attorney Robert Kardashian, there are a bunch of celebrity cameos in both still image and moving picture form. The most notable is probably Michael Jackson, but there are others in there too if you pay attenti-
[has mild heart attack]
JESUS, JUICE. You can’t just pop up on people like that. You have to give us a little warning first. You know, because of … the, uh … because of the whole … … you just have to warn us, okay?