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Justin Halpern Explains Why Standards And Practices Won’t Let You Say ‘Blumpkin’ on TV

By / 12.04.13

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Frotcast friend, owner of the “Sh** My Dad Says” Twitter account, and failed television writer (so far) Justin Halpern is taking another whack at a series again mid-season with Surviving Jack over on Fox, and I’m excited about it not only because it will star Christopher Meloni, but it’s being produced under Bill Lawrence’s shingle. Halpern, as some of you know, had been writing for Lawrence’s Cougar Town over on TBS. Anyway, we all know that studio executive are dumb (here’s 40 reasons why), but how many of us knew that Standards and Practices consulted with the Urban Dictionary before delivering network notes?

That’s the story from Halpern, who once tried to use “Blumpkin” in an episode of the short-lived (and quite terrible) How to Be a Gentlemen.

For those of you who don’t know, a “Blumpkin” is a ludicrous word which describes the act of a woman giving a blow job to man while he poops … Now, a few years ago I was on staff of a little show on CBS called “How To Be A Gentleman.” Anyway, on that show, we had a big meathead character use the word Blumpkin in one of the scripts. (And we were cancelled? WHA?) Standards wrote back and said no way….

After the table read, when the execs were giving notes to the head writers, I decided to ask the 45-year-old, very conservative standards and practices lady how she came across the word blumpkin in the first place, and how she decides what can and can’t be said.

“Oh, I had no idea what a blumpkin was. If I don’t know a word, I just look it up on urban dictionary and if I see the definition is something that makes me go ‘EW’ then I don’t allow it on air.’
SHE JUST GOES TO URBAN DICTIONARY AND SEES IF IT MAKES HER GO EW, PEOPLE. Which means standards and practices is basically your mom. And if you think about it, her system isn’t that bad.

In light of this revelation, I think that Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart’s ruling in indecency should be rephrased.

“I shall not today attempt further to define the kinds of material I understand to be embraced within that shorthand description ["hard-core pornography"]; and perhaps I could never succeed in intelligibly doing so. But if it makes me go ‘EW’ then it shouldn’t be allowed it on air.”

Someone should change the Jacobellis v. Ohio Wikipedia page to reflect the update.

(Source: Justin Halpern)

(Header Image, because I couldn’t resist)


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