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‘Top Chef: New Orleans’ Recap: Oui Si a Challenge

By / 01.09.14

we get it youre french

Last week, on Top Chef: Mudbugs, bitter Nicholas and Carrie’s farewell. This week, on Top Chef: A bunch of European chefs make the show extra judgmental, and somebody screws up horribly. What follows are the random thoughts that came to mind last night as I watched the show.

-The six remaining cheftestants are greeted by the legendary Jacques Pepin in the Top Chef kitchen. He’s a pretty big deal.

-Jacques shows everyone how to make dover sole with artichokes, then they have thirty five minutes to replicate the dish. Or in Carlos’s case, make mole.

-The focus is on technique, so Jacques shows off with some hand-formed cherry tomatoes and roses made of butter. Stephanie is so nervous that she might actually stab herself.

-Nicholas and Shirley are the classically (French) trained chefs in the bunch, so she figures they’re the favorites. Plus Shirley works in Vegas so she’s used to carving butter into all sorts of shapes.

-While the chefs toil, Jacques is kicking back with a glass of Greystone Cellars Sauvignon Blanc? I am calling bullsh*t. There is no way they are making him drink that stuff. I really hope that they emptied the Greystone bottle and refilled it with some Sancerre.

-Shirley’s prediction is looking good so far, because Stephanie can’t skin her sole and Carlos is chopping mushrooms like he’s on methadone.

-The win (and immunity) goes to Nicholas, with Shirley not far behind. Shirley is the Jimmy the Greek of cable cooking shows.

-Padma introduces the chefs to Julian Serrano and Dominique Crenn, who both have Michelin stars coming out the ass. Carlos also has a Michelin star, but Nicholas is trying to have that revoked for not cleaning his knife.

-The chefs will be split in two groups, one cooking French and one cooking Spanish. They each must feature olives, almonds, mussels, chicken and chocolate. If any of them are bold enough to toss all five into a blender and call it soup they will be rewarded with a column at SB Nation.

-Nina, Carlos and Brian are on team, España, which leaves Nicholas, Shirley and Stephanie on the formidable French side.

-Bravo is running a poll on the screen asking which country’s cuisine is more difficult to compare, which might be the stupidest god damn question imaginable. Stephanie agrees.

stupid poll

-Nina just called Julian the godfather of Spanish cuisine. Somewhere in Washington DC Jose Andres just added Nina’s name to a list.

-Stephanie is the one chef on the French side who has absolutely no idea what she’s doing. Apparently corn silk nests aren’t “rustic” enough for her tastes. French food is kind of hilarious sometimes.

-Julian is going out of his way to be a dick. Do you really need to show professional chefs how to quarter a f*cking cherry, man?

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