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Big Head From ‘Silicon Valley’ Is Living The Dream

By / 04.29.14
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One of the problems of having a ridiculous television logjam on Sunday nights right now is that it’s tough to cover everything of note in a timely to semi-timely manner. For example, HBO’s freshman comedy Silicon Valley, from Office Space creator Mike Judge, has been excellent, and we have barely discussed it at all. So, I’d like to take this opportunity to remedy that, sort of, by pointing out something from this Sunday’s episode that I think is worth mentioning: Big Head is living the dream right now.

Quick refresher: Nelson “Big Head” Bighetti (pictured above, on the left) is the best friend of the show’s main character, Richard Hendricks. After Richard’s file compression start-up, Pied Piper, started drawing interest from various tech big shots, much was made about whether Big Head — an average-at-best programmer and a sweet, lovable doofus — would get to stick on with the company, all of which was rendered moot when a competitor offered him a three-year contract for $600k/yr to lure him away, unaware that he brings nothing to any table, anywhere, ever. Once his new employers — Hooli, which is basically a Google/Apple hybrid — realized this, they took him off the Pied Piper competitor project they hired him to assist with, and didn’t reassign him anywhere, leaving him to roam the campus aimlessly, which is how he stumbled across these similarly situated, rudderless souls.

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Long story short: The guy failed his way into a high-paying, do-nothing job where he and his buddies grill on the roof all day while drinking alcohol and/or Big Gulps. And sometimes they take a break from all that to stroll to Arby’s. That’s it! That’s their whole day! Which, by my calculations, assuming he works — “works” — 50 weeks a year, Big Head earned about $2400 for. This is everything I’ve ever wanted out of life. Hell, I’d do less work for half of that, if anyone’s interested. I’ll go even lower if you promise to put a TV on my roof-picnic paradise. We can hammer out the terms later. (NOTE: This is exactly the type of procrastination I will bring to your business if you choose to hire me.)

Anyway, the whole thing is kind of a cousin of the situation in Office Space, in which our hero advanced in his company after getting hypnotized into not caring at all about his job. But this is even better because Big Head didn’t have to pay a hypnotist, or mess around with his brain, or deal with a boss who continues to hassle him about TPS reports he has no intention of completing. He’s got carte blanche to screw around all day at work, pretty much consequence free, for the next three years, at the end of which he will have collected almost $2 million.

I have never been more jealous of anyone in my entire life.

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