The Americans (FX, 10:00 p.m.) – Tonight on The Americans, “Philip uses his agent Charles Duluth to help him gain access to an early precursor to the Internet.” I hope he uses it to look up that nude scene from last week. I know the timeline doesn’t work out. I just think it would be funny. Work with me here, okay?
Survivor: Cagayan (CBS, 8:00 p.m.) – According to the guide, “one castaway uses ninja-like skills to sabotage another player.” I’ll take any excuse I can find to post this GIF.
Law & Order: SVU (NBC, 9:00 p.m.) – THERE’S A MURDERER ON THE LOOSE AND HE’S LOOKING FOR OLIVIA AND STABLER CAN’T HELP BECAUSE HE’S JUSTIN HALPERN’S DAD NOW, KIND OF. EVERYBODY PANIC.
Workaholics (Comedy Central, 10:00 p.m.) – I miss Broad City :(
The Soup (E!, 10:00 p.m.) – Tonight’s episode is a tribute to the WWE which (a) sucks from a timing perspective, seeing as The Ultimate Warrior just passed away, and (b) features this moment, apparently. I love you, The Soup.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Edwards — the youngest person to build a nuclear fusion reactor — are on Letterman; Sharon Osbourne and Tony Kanaan are on Ferguson; Kate Upton and Cole Hauser are on Kimmel; Jennifer Garner, Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic, and Stevie Nicks are on Fallon; Denis Leary and Thomas Middleditch are on Meyers; Tracy Morgan and Nick Cannon are on Arsenio (NOTE: Morgan might actually be the saner guest, somehow); and Andy Garcia and Jenna Elfman on Conan.