ABC released its 2014 Fall schedule this morning, and the main takeaway is that if Shonda Rhimes should meet her unfortunate, untimely demise, ABC is totally doomed. Especially on Thursdays, because that is now Shondaday, as ABC has given her the full three-hour primetime block, bumping Scandal up to 9 and rolling out her new law school homicide mystery How to Get Away With Murder at 10. (Trailer below.) If I’m an executive at ABC with an extra $400 in my 2014 budget, I’m buying 2500 feet of bubble wrap and mummifying her with it whenever she’s not in a writer’s room. Can’t be too careful, I say.
Other news: The Karen Gillan sitcom Selfie will air Tuesday night at 8 as part of an hour-long comedy lead-in to Season 2 of Agents of SHIELD, and a bunch of ABC’s new pick-ups — including Marvel’s Agent Carter, American Crime, Galavant, and The Whispers — are being held for midseason. Also, football, because any network without football in 2014 is basically the CW, regardless of its actual name. (Oddly enough, in this analogy the CW is ION. I’ll make you a chart. Give me a minute.)
SUNDAY
7 PM – America’s Funniest Home Videos
8 PM – Once Upon a Time
9 PM – Resurrection
10 PM – Revenge
MONDAY
8 PM – Dancing With the Stars
10 PM – Castle
TUESDAY
8 PM – Selfie
8:30 PM – Manhattan Love Story
9 PM – Agents of SHIELD
10 PM – Forever
WEDNESDAY
8 PM – The Middle
8:30 PM – The Goldbergs
9 PM – Modern Family
9:30 PM – Black-ish
10 PM – Nashville
THURSDAY
8 PM – Grey’s Anatomy
9 PM – Scandal
10 PM – How to Get Away With Murder
FRIDAY
8 PM – Last Man Standing
8:30 PM – Cristela
9 PM – Shark Tank
10 PM – 20/20
SATURDAY
8 PM – Saturday Night Football
