Things must be really messed up in Arkansas — and let’s face it, they probably are — because citizens there have been virtually begging UPROXX pal Mike Rowe to run for office, specifically for a judgeship in the town of Lafayette, Arkansas. Why do the folks there want the Dirty Jobs guy as their judge? Allow the Arkansas Times to explain…
One candidate in the race, Deputy Sheriff Barry Reeder, was slapped in the face by a woman who alleged he’d molested her as a child in Louisiana. The women and others were protesting outside his office. He said the charge was untrue. He was tried and acquitted in 1997 in Claiborne Parish, La., before moving to Arkansas. Reeder, a Democrat, faces two independent opponents.
Well now it kind of makes sense, right? Who better for a dirty job like rural Arkansas judge than the Dirty Jobs guy, right?
Rowe posted the following note to his Facebook page announcing his candidacy…
Enough already. I’ll do it.
After 10,000 unsolicitated invitations to run for elected office, and a steady drumbeat of growing support on this page, I’ve decided there’s only one logical course of action. Last night, I moved to Lafayette, Arkansas, to begin my bid to become County Judge.
I know that many of you were hoping for a more ambitious foray into the political scene, but after a nearly ten minutes of thoughtful soul-searching and a medicinal snort of Whistle Pig, I began to see that a direct run at the White House might be premature. So I’ve chosen a more modest route to the ultimate prize, and look forward to a spirited campaign down here in The Natural State.
Now it’s true, I hold no law degree and no political experience. But from what I’ve seen from recent court rulings, a basic understanding of the Constitution has little to do with education or a prior political record. And though I have no current ties to the great state of Arkansas, I once collected dung beetles at the University, and got along very well with the locals. More importantly, I served as The Grand Marshal of The St. Patricks Day Parade in Hot Springs back in 2008, which I’m told went very well.
Anyway, it’s been a difficult decision, but I feel a lot better now that I’ve made it, and look forward to judging the people of Lafayette just as soon as I vanquish my rival, whomever he or she may be. In the meantime, I’m gonna need a campaign manager.
Please apply below in fifty words or less. The applicant with the most likes will relocate immediately to a nicely appointed trailer behind my own residence.
Good luck to you all, and God Bless America!
I can think of worse jobs that working as Mike Rowe’s campaign manager. Surely one of you currently unemployed (or employed) UPROXX readers would be perfect for it! What are you waiting for?!?!