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So About That Ridiculous-Sounding ‘Baywatch’ Parody Movie, ‘The B Team’…

By 07.08.14
Baywatch Cast Honored by The Red Cross

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Quick update on the upcoming Baywatch-related major motion picture The B Team, which will star some of the cast members of the show as semi-fictionalized versions of themselves who were secretly CIA spies all along and just used their status as “actors” on “”Baywatch” as a cover to travel the world fighting crime.

Things that will be in the upcoming Baywatch-related major motion picture The B Team, which will star some of the cast members of the show as semi-fictionalized versions of themselves who were secretly CIA spies all along and just used their status as “actors” on “”Baywatch” as a cover to travel the world fighting crime:

  • David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson, briefly, probably, in cameos, according to the story from The Independent.
  • The famous red swimsuits.
  • John Cleese, who will play a “classic British villain” named Victor Van Vaught who lives on a yacht in the Mediterranean and “has grasped the technological powers required to launch an arsenal of nuclear rockets.”

Things that will NOT be in the upcoming Baywatch -related major motion picture The B Team, which will star some of the cast members of the show as semi-fictionalized versions of themselves who were secretly CIA spies all along and just used their status as “actors” on “”Baywatch” as a cover to travel the world fighting crime:

  • Pamela Anderson, at all, according to Pamela Anderson, in Esquire’s 2012 oral history of the show. (“I know they’ve asked me to do something with the movie, and I don’t think I will. No, actually, I wouldn’t. I don’t want to play someone’s mom, you know?”)
  • The word “Baywatch,” because the film does not have the rights to the term, and will circumvent it by censoring any mention of the original show’s title with “an explosion or the knocking over of an expensive vase.”

If all of this sounds familiar, it’s probably because Reno 911! and The State alums Thomas Lennon and Robert Ben Garant have been attached to a Baywatch parody film as co-writers/directors for something like two years, and last August Garant described the project as “basically Reno 911! with sexy people.” So that’s good! But this latest story doesn’t mention them at all and says the director is a British guy named Chris Cottam. That’s, uh, less good! Maybe! Who knows?! The important thing here is that I found a picture of David Hasselhoff wearing a mesh t-shirt.

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