Running Wild with Bear Grylls (NBC, 8 p.m.) — Bear swaps out Channing Tatum for Tom Arnold, which is like going from National Lampoon’s Animal House to National Lampoon’s Golf Punks.
NFL Preseason Football (ESPN, 8 p.m.) — The Browns head to Washington to play the Voldemort of team names, the Redskins.
What’s Killing Our Bees? (Science, 9 p.m.) — Not Nicolas Cage.
Dallas (TNT, 9 p.m.) — Midseason premiere. I have nothing to add, other than I hate the term “midseason premiere.”
Under the Dome (CBS, 10 p.m.) — Barbie turns to his father for help contacting Julia but realizes he may not be trustworthy, and I continue to laugh that there’s a male protagonist named Barbie.
Doctor Who: The Ultimate Time Lord (BBC America, 10 p.m.) — The new series of Doctor Who begins soon, so BBC America is airing an entire week of all things Twelfth Doctor. I’m guessing they won’t spend much time talking about Jenna Coleman quitting…
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Bruce Willis and the Gaslight Anthem on Letterman; Bill Cosby, Tiger Woods, Rory McIlroy, and Robyn on Fallon; Josh Groban, Nathan Fielder, and Jenny Lewis on Conan.