Awhile back, I ranked the best minor characters on South Park. The primary reaction was outrage that Randy Marsh didn’t top the list (he was #3). I bring this up because someone mentions it in the comments of every article I write. You Randy fans are quite passionate, to say the least. Now, I’ve decided to do the same thing for Futurama, and I’m sure you’ll all be furious with me for these rankings, too. But hey, that’s just part of the fun.
Remember, we’re going with minor characters here, so if one of your favorites is not on the list, it’s probably because his role on the show was simply too prominent. This would be the case for Zoidberg, Zapp Branigan, Kiff, Richard Nixon, and Calculon. All of those characters had multiple episodes centered around them, so they were disqualified. Now then, on with the fun!
10. Smitty/URL
Everyone’s favorite peace officers, even if they tend to resort to violence a little to quickly. Sadly, URL’s beloved partner Smitty was taken from the force just three days before retirement. What happened? He took an early retirement.
9. Ethan “Bubblegum” Tate
Obviously, we would be remiss if the Globetrotter Homeworld wasn’t represented here. It was always nice to know that even a thousand years into the future, the whimsy of the Harlem Globetrotters was still around to amuse us all. We could have included all of the Globetrotters, but Bubblegum was obviously their leader, and he gets the glory. Sorry, Sweet Clyde.
8. Scruffy
Okay, the obvious joke would have been to put him “second,” but there were some other characters who were simply more deserving. Still, everyone’s favorite porno-loving janitor needs to get some love, at least until he and Washbucket are ready to tie the knot.
7. Hypnotoad
ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD!
Or, at least all the glory you can get from seventh place. Everybody loves Hypnotoad, but he really only has one move, so he was bound to suffer a bit in the rankings here.
6. Robot Devil
The songs get a bit tiresome — and he seems to know that! But it’s still pretty damn hard not to love the Robot Devil, who has always been more darkly whimsical than truly evil. That marriage contract trick he pulled on Leela was pretty low, though.
5. Roberto
If I didn’t put Roberto in the top 5, he probably would’ve stabbed me. By far the most bats*** insane character on Futurama, Roberto can be downright frightening at times, and that’s precisely what makes him such a darkly entertaining character. When he’s on screen, you have no idea what he might pull, and you briefly feel like you’re actually in the company of a criminally insane robot.
4. Hyperchicken
“I’m sorry, I thought you was corn.”
That honestly might be the best line in Futurama history, and it’s enough to vault everyone’s favorite incompetent hillbilly lawyer into the top 4. The prosecution roosts.
3. Clamps
There were plenty of other competitors looking for the No. 3 spot, but they were heavily out-clamped! They didn’t what clamped ’em!
2. Morbo
Let’s just run down a few of our favorite News Monster’s favorite moments, shall we:
“ALL HUMANS ARE VERMIN IN THE EYES OF MORBO!”
“WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY GOOD NIGHT!”
“And that’s why the third graders from PS139 are Morbo’s Vermin Of The Week.”
“Kittens give Morbo gas.”
I’m sure I’m missing a few, but you get the idea. Anyone who doesn’t love Morbo is a communist.
1. Santa
The idea of insane, murderous robot Santa Claus who judges everyone as naughty may be the best idea Futurama ever came up with. The two Xmas episodes would probably both rank among the Top 10 of the series, and in general, the sheer bad-assery of Robot Santa Claus simply cannot be denied. Honestly, Futurama has an amazing set of minor characters, but this was a pretty easy decision. Santa is the best and it’s not even close.
(Hopefully he’ll put me on the nice list now. I want that pogo stick!)
