The Late Show With David Letterman (CBS, 11:35 p.m.) – Bill Murray appears and Foo Fighters continue their week-long residency on the show. This seems relevant to your interests, Internet user.
Arrow (CW, 8:00 p.m.) – Tonight on Arrow, “a mysterious archer known as Komodo appears in town and begins skewering businessmen.” I’ve seen it a million times.
Animal Misfits (PBS, 8:00 p.m.) – According to TV Guide, tonight’s episode focuses on giant pandas and a menagerie of other weird critters, including an ant-sized chameleon and the Arctic woolly bear caterpillar, which spends most of its life frozen.” JUST LIKE MY WIFE, RIGHT FELLAS???????? (I am not married.)
Law & Order: SVU (NBC, 9:00 p.m.) – This week SVU is apparently ripping the Elliot Rodger shooting from the headlines, as the detectives will track a bike messenger who made a misogynistic video diary.
Modern Family/black-ish (ABC, 9:00-10:00) – Psst. black-ish is pretty decent.
American Horror Story: Freak Show (FX, 10:00 p.m.) – Our fictional scary clown epidemic has morphed into a real one. This simply will not do.
Franklin & Bash (TNT, 10:00 p.m.) – Cloris Leachman guest stars. There is a 90% chance she kisses Franklin or Bash.
Top Chef (Bravo, 10:00 p.m.) – Season premiere. Tonight’s episode takes place in Boston with celebrity guest judges The Dropkick Murphys. That second part isn’t true. You bought it, though, right?
The League (FXX, 10:00 p.m.) – Kevin plays basketball with his priest, Jerry O’Connell. Wait. I don’t mean his priest is actually “Jerry O’Connell,” I mean Jerry O’Connell is playing a non-him priest. And what is basketball doing on this show, anyway? This is confusing and I don’t like it.
South Park/Key & Peele (Comedy Central, 10:00-11:00) – You are to disagree with me if you like, and I’m sure some of you will, loudly, but I really don’t think you can find a funnier one-hour block on television right now than Comedy Central hitting us with South Park and Key & Peele back-to-back. We already saw this week’s big showpiece Urkel sketch from Key & Peele, and the teaser for tonight’s South Park is posted below. Looks like another winner, in this reporter’s opinion.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Chris O’Dowd and Selena Gomez on Kimmel; Zoe Saldana and T.J. Miller on Ferguson; Shailene Woodley and Michael Shannon on Fallon; Nicole Richie on Meyers; Bill O’Reilly on Stewart; and Justin Simien on Colbert.
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