Woodhouse is Sterling Archer’s faithful manservant. He’s also more or less the super spy’s surrogate father, and often a punching bag as a result. Hilariously terrible things have befallen Woodhouse at the hands of Archer throughout the series. Here are some of the worst. Poor, poor Woodhouse.
Chucking His Clothes Off The Balcony
If you forget lemon curd in the Archer household, or fail to poach an egg properly, or really anything to do with food, that means you go without clothing. Still, that’s not so bad, considering that he not only did the same thing, but much worse, to Cheryl.
Rubbing Sand In His Eyes
For letting a dog into Archer’s apartment, Woodhouse has to clean the whole apartment. And if there’s any dog hair, he’s going to have sand rubbed in his eyes. Made substantially worse because he has to not only find sand, but find out whether they grade it, and get the coarsest one. You’d think just standard sand would be enough.
Looming Over Him With Night Vision Goggles
This is one we only hear about, since Archer re-enacts it with the Pope right before Pam drops a mirror on said holy father. But apparently, Archer enjoys lurking over Woodhouse’s bed with night vision goggles, waiting for him to wake up and scream in fear. Hey, at least it works out better for him than it does for the Pope.
Making Him Eat A Bowl Of Spider Webs
Archer makes this threat waaaaaaaay back in season two. But he doesn’t actually make it happen until season four, and to be fair, Woodhouse is getting off light considering he stranded Archer in Canada.
Being Tied Up And Left To Rot
This one isn’t even technically a punishment. It’s just that Archer ties him up and then completely forgets about him, especially cruel when you remember Woodhouse essentially needs heroin eight times a day to function. That he gets stranded as just a side effect of Archer’s antics pretty much says it all about the sad sack. Except…
Whatever’s Happening Here
We never get an explanation for this. We even asked somebody on the show why this was happening, and they wouldn’t tell us. We’re just going to assume that either Woodhouse really screwed up… or Archer was having a very, very bad day.
But at least he gets to do drugs with a lemur! He’s got that going for him! If you want more of the woes of Woodhouse, not to mention Archer’s terrifying fatherly advice and even more phrasing, visit Archer’s Facebook page.
