We’re in the middle of March Madness, but I’m already thinking ahead to the NFL Draft, where teams pick, on average, seven new players to help them win the Super Bowl. This is kind of like that, except I’m picking seven characters from The Walking Dead who I’d most want on my walker-killing dream team. Imagine everyone on the show still being alive, in perfect health, although you have to take into account their mental health. Drafting The Governor might seem like a good idea, until he lops your head off. Who would you pick?
1. Michonne
An obvious person to start with. She’s smart, dependable, commanding, loyal, and when she needs to be, ruthless. Plus, unlike the rest of the dips on The Walking Dead who use noisy guns to kill walkers, which only attracts more walkers, Michonne’s weapon of choice is a sword.
That gets her bonus style points.
2. Daryl Dixon
To go back to the noise issue, one thing that’s always bugged me about Daryl is his riding a motorcycle. Yes, they get better mileage. Yes, they can go faster than the average rusty truck or minivan. And yes, they look like sick, brah. But they’re loud as hell; walkers should be able to hear a motorcycle from a mile away. And yet, I’m still picking Daryl because everything I said about Michonne’s sword is also true of his crossbow (although arrows aren’t an unlimited resource). He’s also a skilled tracker, hunter, and gatherer, so if the group ever runs out of comically large cans of pudding, he’d be able to kill and cook a tasty opossum.
3. Morgan
Morgan went a little something something for awhile there, but he seems to be better now. He’s on his way north, following Rick & Co. from King County to Terminus to Father Gabriel’s church to, eventually, Washington, D.C. That’s all by himself, mind you. He doesn’t have a Daryl or a Carol or even a Sasha (lucky guy). It’s Morgan vs. the world, and so far, Morgan’s winning.
4. Carol
When we first met Carol, she wasn’t Carol; she was Ed’s wife. Ed’s soft-spoken, abused wife. Now she’s blowing up buildings and sniping and sneaking around in plain sight. No one suspects the cookie baker! Carol’s both prey and predator, looking meek right until the second she strikes. So many horrible things have happened to her that she’s unemotional; if someone, even a child, needs to be “taken care of,” she’ll do it. “Look at the flowers.” In a horrible walker wasteland, that’s someone you want on your side.
5. Glenn
Let’s check in with the actors who appeared in at least five of the six episodes from Season 1. Rick: alive. Shane: DEAD. Lori: DEAD. Andrea: DEAD. Dale: DEAD. Coral: alive. Amy: DEAD. T-Dog: DEAD. Jacqui: DEAD. Glenn: alive. You have to be either really lucky or really smart to still be breathing, and Glenn is both (he also has a really good agent). He started off as a fairly one-note pizza boy before blossoming into a self-reliant badass who doesn’t let his emotions get the best of him, like Rick or Shane. He’s the character I’d most want as my leader.
6. Hershel
Okay, Hershel is old. So old that he’s dead, but I’m picking the Hershel who’s still alive and has both his legs and isn’t an alcoholic self-loather. It’s my dream team, and that’s my dream Hershel, who will provide medical care and grandpa guidance and Spaghetti Tuesdays and infinite shotgun ammo and if his daughter Maggie wants to tag along, who am I to complain?
7. Rick
This is the toughest choice. Rick or Shane. To say that Rick is going full Shane right now isn’t an exaggeration. But is that such a bad thing? With the exception of one unfortunate, out-of-character moment that commenter RJSuperfreaky makes reference to here, Rick is now where Shane was seasons ago. He’s brutal, uncompromising, and he wants another guy’s wife; he’s pure machismo. All that being said, if Shane had killed Rick and taken over, his team probably would have turned into C.H.U.D.s or something, and Lori would still be around…
I’m picking Rick.
