Justified (FX, 10:00 p.m.) – After Ava stepped up last episode and became the boss ass b*tch she was destined to be, the hunt for her is on. Sadly, she probably won’t be able to ride off into the sunset with Markham’s millions, not with Boyd and Raylan still chasing her, but for now, the marshal’s dealing with a bigger threat that may jeopardize his career.
Weird Loners (Fox, 9:30 p.m.) – “A sitcom about the relationship foibles of four different 30-somethings unsuspectingly thrown together in a townhouse in Queens begins. The roommates include a romantic, a womanizer, a free spirit and a man-child.” This synopsis reads like a mix between New Girl, The Real World and The Breakfast Club. Basically, I’m sold on it already. I also think this is the appropriate time for a Judd Nelson fist pump:
Fresh Off the Boat (ABC, 8:00 p.m.) – School science fairs suck, and so do husbands who don’t get jealous when you parade around your old college boyfriends.
NBA Basketball: Spurs at Heat (TNT, 8:00 p.m.) – The extent of my knowledge of this game: There’s a court, there are people on it and they have to bounce a ball while jogging.
The Flash (CW, 8:00 p.m.) – Luke Skywalker is here, and he’s ready to make you feel really, really old. Mark Hamill is guesting tonight, reprising his role as The Trickster and basically f*cking with everyone in Central City.
Repeat After Me (ABC, 8:30 p.m.) – Host Wendi McLendon-Covey gets Jeff Garlin and Brad Paisley to throw any shred of dignity they have to the wind and make complete jackasses of themselves on national TV.
Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (ABC, 9:00 p.m.) – After getting a trendy new power-stopping set of gloves and her very own safe house, Skye comes to terms with the fact that she’s probably the most powerful person on the planet and makes a life-altering decision. Meanwhile, the real S.H.I.E.L.D. still wants to give Coulson the boot.
New Girl (Fox, 9:00 p.m.) – You know your dating life has gone downhill when you have to crash a funeral in order to delete sexy text messages you sent to the recently deceased.
The Dovekeepers (CBS, 9:00 p.m.) – For those interested in their Jewish heritage — or just curious to see what Sam Neill in a toga looks like — this is the completely-fictional-mixed-with-a-few-historic-facts tale about four Jewish women who take care of birds and survive the Roman occupation in an ancient Jewish city.
Undateable (NBC, 9:00 p.m.) – When Nicki returns to Detroit to announce that she’s engaged, Justin does what any man who’s still pathetically in love with his ex would do: He acts like everything is totes magotes and offers to throw her an engagement party.
iZombie (CW, 9:00 p.m.) – When you forget to feed the starving zombie, the starving zombie shows up at your place of work and demands an extra heaping of dead people’s brains. Liv deals with her new frenemy Blaine and with her ex is moving on with his life while trying to solve the murder of a tech genius.
Finding Carter (MTV, 10:00 p.m.) – The Season 2 premiere sees Lori kidnapping Carter for a second time and the Wilsons facing some hard truths, like that having your child stolen from you twice probably qualifies you as bad parents.
Gangland Undercover (HIST, 10:00 p.m.) – Falco’s goal of keeping a low profile is shot to hell when he’s forced to pull a major drug deal.
Tosh.0 (Comedy Central, 10:00 p.m.) – In which Tosh writes an offensive chant for frat boys and interviews an Alaskan politician.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Josh Gad on Letterman; Ethan Hawke on Fallon; Kurt Russell on Kimmel; Thomas Lennon, Matthew Perry and Aubrey Plaza on Corden; Chris D’Elia on Meyers; and Keith Urban and Ludacris on Conan.
