What’s On Tonight: A History Lesson On ‘Texas Rising’ And ‘American Ninja Warrior’ Returns

American Ninja Warrior (NBC, 8:00 p.m.) – I only started watching this show when that 5-foot-nothing gymnast Kacy Catanzaro started kicking ass on an obstacle course obviously not meant for short people. Tragically, her lack of height was her downfall but that doesn’t mean the new season of the show, which premieres tonight, won’t give us more chances to root for the underdog (and more opportunities to watch really in-shape people totally eat it on national TV). Whatever you’re into, no judgment.

Texas Rising (HIST, 9:00 p.m.) – The most random grouping of actors ever get together to chronicle the Texas Revolution against Mexico in the 1830s (you know, after we got our asses handed to us at The Alamo).

WWE Monday Night Raw (USA, 8:00 p.m.) – The countdown to WWE Elimination Chamber 2015 begins. Confession time: anything with the world “chamber” in it automatically makes me think of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets which then reminds me of how completely creeped out I was by the Ginny Weasley storyline in that film and … now you’ve totally lost me WWE.

Grace of Monaco (LIFE, 9:00 p.m.) – You know it’s bad when a film’s release is pushed back, then pushed back again and then finally given to Lifetime. This film will probably royally bomb — but isn’t that why we watch anything on Lifetime to begin with?

The Bachelorette (ABC, 9:00 p.m.) – ABC has somehow coerced Muhammed Ali’s daughter into teaching a bunch of douchebags how to box and they’ve forced that angel Amy Schumer to take on the hopeless job of teaching them how to be funny.

TURN: Washington’s Spies (AMC, 10:00 p.m.) – While Caleb’s busy sailing a one-man submersible into the New York harbor and France and America finally decide to become allies, Andre and Peggy are preoccupied with more pressing matters; namely, getting married.

The Island (NBC, 10:00 p.m.) – Is this just a knockoff of Survivor? Yes. Did NBC just attach Bear Gryllis’ name to this reality TV show because they thought it would increase ratings and because they know us Americans can’t resist a British accent? Probably. But I’m surprisingly still interested in watching 14 men get a major reality check when they realize that though they may behave like cavemen, they could never survive as one.

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Kimmel, Fallon, Meyers, Corden and Conan are all repeats tonight.

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