Some interesting new developments on Zoo this week.
- Birds started talking to each other. Not, like “talking” talking (although we really shouldn’t put that by the show as a potential plot twist down the line), just communicating across species via a series of high-pitch squeaks and squeals that they use to coordinate aerial attacks on humans. No thank you to this.
- It turns out the one guy who was the boss of the team — the black guy, not the comically French guy, who hasn’t been around much lately, and who I miss tremendously — is actually a double agent or something for the evil corporation. Unfortunately, getting any further into this would require me to break my solemn vow that I will never discuss the actual plot of this show, so let’s leave it at that.
- The whole gang is now wanted for murder by the FBI. They killed a corrupt agent a few episodes ago. Which is the type of thing I would have told you if not for that solemn vow I was talking about. It’s about honor, really.
Anyway, I’m only even bringing up those last two things — and delaying the bird attack GIFs — because it gives me a chance to talk about this moment, which I loved.
If you’re trying to avoid detection because the government thinks you’re a murderer and an evil corporation with tentacles everywhere is hunting you, maybe running around in sunglasses and a plain blue hat and having a hushed conversation on a flip phone in broad daylight ain’t the best plan. In fact, I can’t think of anything MORE suspicious than someone in sunglasses and a plain blue hat talking on a flip phone. I mean, unless you’re like 90 years old, in which case it’s perfectly normal. Elderly people would make excellent covert agents, now that I think about it. Somebody get Abe Vigoda and Betty White on the phone. I’ve got a movie to pitch.
One other note about this GIF: If you’re bored this weekend and looking for something to do, maybe consider rounding up some old flip phones and trying this. Say something dramatic like “Agreed. Tell the Swede I’ll be at the planetarium,” then snap the phone in half, toss it in a trash can, and march off quickly and with a purpose. Do it a few times. Take note of people’s reactions. See how long it takes a man in a suit to approach you and ask you to come in for questioning. A fun little Saturday.
But back to the important stuff… BIRDS.
OH GOD THE BIRDS.
BUT DON’T WORRY. THEY SAVED THE BABY. WITH A FIRE HOSE.
To recap: A week after a blonde French intelligence agent killed thousands of bloodthirsty pirate rats with a flamethrower, a lion expert from Africa commandeered a fire hose to chase off dozens of evil, peck-crazy birds that had developed a language of screeches they were using to wage war on stroller-pushing Boston moms. Granted, it’s no Slovenian dog ambush or “swarm of kamikaze bats flying to Antarctica to kill two Brit-pop-loving lesbian scientists,” but still. Lot going on with this show.
