One could go on for days about how The League’s Andre Nowizick is an easy target, because he dresses like a Russian house DJ, uses hacky lingo, and sometimes makes unintentionally innuendo. But all of that works because comedian Paul Scheer plays the character so well.
So to celebrate Scheer’s 39th birthday — as well as his ability to be the brunt of the joke — here I’ve gathered all of the Andre quotes you shouldn’t use, but like his outfits, will never forget…
“Child please.”
“I can say ‘moist.’ Moist is the classy ‘wet.'”
“It was an homage to Silence of the Lambs.”
“Tell me a girl who’s not a fan of Mission Impossible 2.”
“I don’t blog about everything. I blog about magic and sometimes Don Henley.”
“You better be careful m’lady, ’cause Jack The Ripper’s slicing up losers.”
“I’m not married, and no dudes want to come in my man cave.”
“When I’m out there I’m not gonna pull any punches, ’cause Andre goes two speeds. Fast, and Furious.”
“I love doing it with jacked dudes. No matter how many times you say stop, they won’t let you.”
