For a time during last night’s penultimate episode of the Veep fourth season, it looked like “Testimony” would be the Red Wedding episode of the series, as it seemed that Selina Meyers’ entire staff was going to be fired and/or prosecuted for their role in a lobbying scandal. As it turned out, it was more like the Eddard Stark episode, in which only one man — Bill Ericsson (Diedrich Bader) — got his head chopped off, figuratively speaking, as he was made the scapegoat during Congressional hearings.
The highlight of the episode, however, may have come with Jonah Ryan had to testify in front of Congress. After lobbyists Dan and Amy contended that they were friendly with Jonah, a Senator offered evidence to the contrary in the form of a folder Dan Egan had on Jonah that included a “glossary of abuse,” i.e., a list of brutal nicknames for Ryan that one of the Senators — to Jonah’s delightful dismay — read aloud during testimony.
You can add these 22 nicknames to the long list of already spectacular names for Jonah, including Long-Tall Sally, Jolly Green Jizz Face, and Frankenstein’s Monster (if the monster was made entirely of big dicks):
1. Jonad
2. J Rock
3. Jizzy Gillespie
4. Jack and the Giant Jackoff
5. Gayleon
6. Tinkerballs
7. Wadzilla
8. One Erection
9. The Pointless Giant
10. Jimpanzee
11. The 60-Foot Virgin
12. Jono Ono
13. Hagrid’s Nutsacks
14. Scrotum Poll
15. Transgenderformers
16. 12 Years a Slave to Jerking Off
17. Benedict Cum-In-His-Own-Hand
18. Guyscraper
19. The Cloud Botherer
20. Supercalifragilisticexpialidickcheese
21. Teenage Mutant Ninja A**hole
22. Spewbacca
My personal favorite is Supercalifragilisticexpialidickcheese because you can sing it, and when it gets stuck in your head like an earworm, it makes for a very uncomfortable morning when the other parents look at you sideways when you find yourself idly singing it aloud while dropping your kid off at school.
