Cartoon Network’s cool older brother, Adult Swim, has officially been going strong for 15 years. It’s a late-night place for hidden gems, brilliant and original animated misfits (like Rick and Morty and The Venture Bros), and weird-ass specials that wouldn’t fit in anywhere else.
Also, Family Guy and Bob’s Burgers reruns.
But today, we’re focusing on those weird-ass specials, the ones with names like This House Has People In It, Live at the Necropolis: The Lords of Synth, and Swords, Knives, Very Sharp Objects, and Cutlery. They’re not very long, but they pack an incredible amount of wonderful oddity into 10 to 15 minutes and they deserve to be celebrated and, in the tradition of the internet, pitted against each other via a ranked list to determine which was the weirdest.
6. Goth Fitness
Premise: “A popular fitness couple abandons typical fad systems and introduces their new program based on ancient spells and gothic rituals.”
Why it belongs: What else could possibly be listed at number six, as in 666, the number of the beast? Goth Fitness is a spot-on parody of every 3 a.m. informercial where D-list celebrities tell you — yes, you — how to lose excess weight and gain rock-hard abs while still eating all the burgers with doughnuts as buns you could ever want. The twist here is that the instructors stumbled upon an ancient scroll that will get you ready for bathing suit season. Naturally, Satan and human sacrifices are involved. Draining all the blood out of your body? That’s an easy way to shed some pounds.
5. NewsHits
Premise: “Horrible news bloopers from Your 7 News that should not be aired.”
Why it belongs: We covered NewsHits when it premiered earlier this year and it still hits the sweet spot for anyone who’s familiar with the mundanity of local news. To celebrate Bruce’s last day as an anchor at Your 7 News, his producer Bruce put together a compilation of “fun moments,” including some from his co-workers. The “epic fails” start off with some inoffensive flubs before things get super dark. Bruce has been a very bad boy.
4. Fartcopter
Premise: “It’s a remote-controlled helicopter that also makes a farting noise, like a flying whoopee cushion. The infomercial is hosted by a young, fast-talking, super-enthused kid who shows all the hilarious ways fartcopter can be used to make your friends laugh. Oh, and also if you switch fartcopter to DRONE mode, it becomes a military-grade killing machine. Kids love that too!”
Why it belongs: It’s a “cool as hell” helicopter that makes hilarious fart sounds. What more could you want? You know how salespeople say that you won’t remember your life before you owned whatever product they’re hawking? That’s how I feel about the Fartcopter. Unfortunately, it’s not real, although I suppose I could buy a remote-controlled helicopter and download one of those sound effect apps on your phone. It’s not the same, though. Only an authentic Fartcopter can be turned into a deadly drone.
3. Unedited Footage Of A Bear
Premise: “This is unedited raw footage of a bear I filmed with my cell phone. I’m not sure what kind of bear this is.”
Why it belongs: Unlike The NeverEnding Story, Unedited Footage of a Bear lives up to its title… at least for the first 30 seconds. Then it turns into an allergy commercial. Then it turns into a horror movie with dead children, a chilling soundtrack, bloody faces, and body snatching. It’s more terrifying than anything Leonardo DiCaprio faced in The Revenant, including that bear.
2. The Newbridge Tourism Board Presents
Premise: “Sure, Newbridge, New Jersey is known as the Muffler Capitol of the World, but it’s SO much more than that. Learn about the fascinating, often insane past and present of the town George Washington quickly decided against making the capital of the United States.”
Why it belongs: Because it combines two things comedy nerds love: Adult Swim and The Best Show. Tom Scharpling and Jon Wurster are the minds behind Newbridge, based on the fictional town that serves as the setting of the beloved radio show-turned-podcast. It’s like the Prairie Home Companion movie, except actually funny, with Scharpling and Wurster (who also drums for Superchunk and others) giving fans a look at Newbridge’s adult businesses and racist sports teams. There’s even an appearance from Philly Boy Roy, which only means something to 5,000 people, but those 5,000 people loved it.
1. Too Many Cooks
Premise: “In this pilot episode we are introduced to the fun-loving Cook family. Starring Ken Delozier, Tara Ochs, and others. Created by Drew and Yvonne Asparagus and written and directed by Casper Kelly. ‘Too many cooks may spoil the broth, but they fill our hearts with love.’ Go to Hell.”
Why it belongs: When the history of the internet is written, November 6, 2014, will be known as “Too Many Cooks” Day. The spoof of every cheesy TGIF-style sitcom — which first aired on October 28, but which wasn’t really noticed until a week later — was a viral sensation, with millions of views and no less than Star Wars: Episode VIII and Looper director Rian Johnson tweeting, “No joke, this should be in the Oscar running for best short.” Two years later, Too Many Cooks is still outstanding; it’s so stupid (and stupid catchy) and pointless, which is exactly the point. Plus, it introduced the world to Gwydion Lashlee-Walton, one of television’s most indelible characters. For that, Too Many Cooks has to be number one.
