With a laughable martial arts background based solely on watching too many action movies, his ocular pat down threat-assessment technique, and his efforts to perfect the bodyguard’s drink of choice with Fight Milk, Mac has tried to convince the rest of the Always Sunny gang that he’s the muscle protecting Paddy’s Pub. Unfortunately for him, it hasn’t taken, but while Mac’s lack of self-awareness is often met with ridicule by everyone around him, he never stops believing that he is Dalton from Road House, and neither should you. Let these Mac lines be your guide on how to sound like a badass next time you need to impress.
“Because it’s all about rocking and looking good and kicking ass.”
So you can’t even make a simple E chord on the guitar. That’s okay because neither can Mac and it hasn’t stopped him from channeling his inner Mötley Crüe member. When Mac, Charlie and Frank head to the local music store, Mac goes straight for the most metal guitar he can find and tells Charlie that musicianship isn’t necessary to take the music world by storm. Because in Mac’s mind, it’s all about attitude anyway. Put on some tight pants, work on those blood-spitting skills, and it won’t even matter that guitar strings make your fingers hurt — you’ll be pulling groupies regardless.
“1,2,3, badass.”
I can only hope that one day the first 15 editions of Project Badass are released from the Always Sunny vault. Mac’s stuntman skills are more along the lines of backyard wrestling than Evel Knievel (come to think of it, he’d probably fit in with the Jackass crew), but that doesn’t stop him from hyping it up to Dennis and Charlie. Whether it’s hurling himself off Paddy’s roof onto some dirty mattresses or riding his bike off a poorly crafted ramp, Mac’s countdown to badass typically doubles as a countdown to his next concussion.
“It’s a duster. It’s like a jacket, only it’s longer, thicker, and far more badass.”
Mac likes to think of himself as a wandering outlaw on a lonely road, so it’s only natural that he would take fashion tips from Lorenzo Lamas’ ’90s TV show, Renegade. Unfortunately for Mac, he’s no Lamas, which is likely why Dennis takes it upon himself to steal his duster thunder and start wearing the jacket. Should you be so bold as to start wearing a duster, remember to be more selective about who you show it off to because jealousy is more powerful than even the duster.
“I do backflips every single day of my life.”
This line has the added benefit of making you sound like a badass while watching gymnastics during the Olympics. Be careful, though, it’s much easier to fake your way past the suspicious eye of someone who doubts your karate skills than it is if someone challenges you to do a backflip. Mac learned this lesson the hard way when he and Charlie got stuck in an abandoned swimming pool. Honestly, you’re better off running away than calling upon the awesome power of your confidence to cover for your non-existent acrobatic skills.
“Bro, if I come at you, I’ll get to you faster.”
If you’re gonna be a badass, you had better have an outfit that conveys that, and nothing pairs better with denim and eagle t-shirts to Mac than a samurai sword. When Mac and Charlie take it upon themselves to provide unwanted security for a local school, it brings up their old debate: swords vs. guns. Charlie asserts himself that a gun would always win by reminding Mac about Indiana Jones, but Mac just argues that his speed and zig-zag attack is superior. It’s one of the few times where Charlie’s on the right side of logic, but it doesn’t stop Mac from thinking he’s right. And isn’t belief in oneself the ultimate badass weapon?
“I’ve always got an A, B and C strike plan to get us out of any potentially life-threatening situation.”
When the gang finds themselves in the back of a U-haul they think is on its way to the Grand Canyon, Mac lets it be known that he sees himself as the guardian sheriff of Paddy’s Pub. Charlie’s riding up front with a random hitchhiker, but Mac assures everyone he’s in control of the situation with a variety of strike plans, should his ocular pat down warrant a defense. Remember this line should you find yourself in your own “threatening situation,” even if it’s something as mundane as a dull conversation at a party.
“Guard your eyes.”
Expert-level karate skills are a requirement of any badass action hero, unfortunately for Mac, he possesses none. That doesn’t stop him from regularly bragging about his martial arts prowess, though. If Mac doesn’t make an excuse to avoid showcasing his supposed karate skill when called upon, you can bet he has an excuse for when it all goes wrong. When Mac attempts to break the window of a car with the keys locked inside, he only does more damage and kicks off the driver’s side mirror. Rather than confess to simply watching Kickboxer too many times, he blames it on uneven ground. Mac might have warned Charlie to guard his eyes because he envisioned slow motion exploding glass, but the “zoning people” of Philly made sure that wasn’t going to happen.
Bonus: Have a poorly rehearsed sparring routine.
It’s not a line, but if you really want to embody the badass spirit of Mac, a terrible sparring routine is essential. Just make sure you perfect those “whooshing” sounds for effect.
