Back in the ’90s, helicopter parents weren’t quite as common. Kids explored outside more and ate snacks that weren’t organic by any stretch of the imagination, and we turned out alright, I guess. We also watched a lot of television. Who doesn’t remember coming home from school, grabbing a Sunny D from the fridge, and plopping down in front of the boob tube for the best cartoons that Disney Channel and Nickelodeon had to offer? Entertainment and life lessons? What more do you need?
It was a simpler time, and while it may have turned us into a generation of Netflix addicts, it certainly helped out our parents, who were assured that we’d mostly stay out of trouble if we had a helping Goof Troop to keep our evil little minds occupied for a couple of hours. So, with that, let’s spend some time reminiscing about the quality programming that helped raise us and laugh at how superior it was to a babysitter.
Rescue Rangers
While this action adventure twist on Chip & Dale only ran from 1989 until 1990, Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers was syndicated and was part of the Disney afternoon lineup from 1990 until 1993. As we watched Chip, Dale, Gadget, and the rest of the crew battle villains like Fat Cat and Norton Nimnul, we learned crucial lessons about teamwork and bravery, all the while subconsciously picking between Magnum P.I. and Indiana Jones. Your babysitter couldn’t instill those kinds of values in your young and malleable brain, because she was too busy calling her boyfriend from the landline.
Hey Arnold!
Hey Arnold! was easily one of the best Nickelodeon cartoons for the second half of the ’90s and has been a fan favorite ever since. What set Hey Arnold! apart was its knack for handling difficult situations in their everyday lives, like Arnold’s grandpa’s health and his absentee parents. It also taught us that building a shrine to your crush is creepy and will not make them love you. (Oh, Helga.) Your average babysitter probably wouldn’t tackle these kind of issues with you. Hell, they probably won’t even warn you away from becoming a Stoop Kid.
Doug
If there was ever a nice guy to root for, it was Doug Funnie, the titular protagonist of Doug, which was a mainstay of all ’90s kids’s television schedules. Even when it made the jump to Disney after being dropped by Nickelodeon after the fourth season, it was the little show that could. As Doug navigated adolescence, both in real life and as his alter-ego, Quail Man, we definitely learned a little about ourselves along the way. If nothing else, it taught us to never trust bullies with bright orange hair. Could a flesh and blood babysitter do that? Well, probably.
Tiny Toon Adventures
Long before it was hip to take classic characters and stories and remake them for the current generation, Warner Bros. took the iconic Looney Toons and breathed new life into the idea of talking rabbits, ducks, and pigs by creating new versions of the characters who, like you, were in the midst of dealing with the trials and tribulations of grade school. Did you have an Elmyra to deal with, though? I hope not.
Gargoyles
Gargoyles probably acted as a gateway drug for fantasy fans, an early harbinger of the Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones to come. Petrified creatures transported out of medieval Scotland to be reawakened as the guardians of New York City, Goliath and crew was probably your first taste of a show drenched in mythology. It also probably gave you complicated feelings about stone monsters, which you absolutely didn’t share with anyone for fear of being labeled a weirdo. While this show is itching for a live action reboot, it might be best to leave it in the halcyon memories of childhood television.
TaleSpin
After you watched The Jungle Book, did you think that they should do a spinoff with Baloo the bear as a bush pilot with a cargo plane who fought pirates and the cartoon animal version of the Soviets? No? Well, Disney did, and that weird amalgamation of elements made a pretty rad cartoon adventure with TaleSpin. Nearly every ’90s kid wanted to be Kit Cloudkicker, even if that meant becoming a bear (honestly, that was probably a selling point). The Disney Afternoon lineup used a lot of established characters to create new adventures, and TaleSpin was one of the best.
Goof Troop
While the idea of Goofy reproducing is, frankly, horrific, Goof Troop was a fun show from Disney Afternoon and it eventually gave us The Goofy Movie, a truly underrated Disney film. As Max navigates life as Goofy’s son and the straight man to his father’s mania, you could definitely relate to his tales of parental-induced embarrassment. If you had a best friend next door like P.J., even better. Despite the fact that they’re all weird dogs, Goof Troop was probably the show that looked closest like your actual life.
Rocko’s Modern Life
If you have a friend who is exceptionally good at double entendres, they probably watched Rocko’s Modern Life — easily one of the cleverest cartoons of the ’90s — as a kid. While Rocko, the timid yet optimistic wallaby and his dog Spunky navigate life as immigrants in O-Town, a town in America populated with anthropomorphic animals, every episode was a study in the absurd. With the racy jokes and subversive humor, Rocko’s Modern Life never would be marketed to children today, and their development is probably hindered because of it. Suckers.
Animaniacs
Another show that was home to a multitude of jokes that lived well over your head. Animaniacs also had a deep bench (Pinky and the Brain, Slappy, etc.) that allowed each episode to feel a bit more lush than a lot of the competition. And that theme song? Be honest, if you grew up on Animaniacs, its probably the show on this list that you’d most like to re-watch in secret where your kids can’t judge you. And now, you’d get all the jokes, dated as they may be.
Rugrats
While you may not have picked up on it as a kid, Rugrats gave you a look at some of the grimmer aspects of adult life, like Chuckie being motherless and Stu’s depression-driven pudding. What babysitter would be that honest with you about adulthood?
Darkwing Duck
This entry stings a bit, because we are still reeling from last month’s revival hoax about the DuckTales spinoff. Still, any list about ’90s cartoons that doesn’t include Darkwing Duck is null and void. Before you loved Batman, you probably wanted to be this masked vigilante. Maybe you still do. I’m not here to judge.
DuckTales
Thanks to DuckTales, an entire generation of kids had to come to the realization that even when they reached adulthood, they probably never would get to swim in a vault of their vast treasure. Which is, to this day, kind of a bummer. Also, I’m pretty sure you’d either drown with a lung full of half-dollars or break multiple bones from the jump if you tried to recreate the DuckTales treasure swim in life. Because everything is a lie.
Wow, this got dark. That’s what happens when you live a life absent rad cartoons to give you a splash of whimsy.
Anyway, a babysitter would probably tell you nonsense like “you will never have a Scottish nemesis,” effectively crushing your dreams even further. DuckTales, and really, all these cartoons, were much better. This cinches it.