With the arrival of the 4th of July, Americans are left to ponder many things: what freedom really means, the sacrifices of those who have made our country great, and most importantly, what kind of animal flesh will we be grilling up that afternoon. As we celebrate the glorious red, white, and blue, most of us like to slap some juicy burgers on the grill, because that’s the most American way (or black bean burger for all you vegans out there). Even in turbulent times, we have a lot to be thankful for, and that thankfulness and pride calls for a good old fashioned barbecue.
The time-honored tradition of the summer barbecue has made its way into our pop cultural consciousness, with many shows attempting to prove their protagonists are the grill master supreme. Whether it’s by eating, building, or grilling, these shows prove that no one can say no to a good grill-out. Let’s count down to the ultimate meat master.
8. Gilmore Girls
No one knows food like the Gilmores, but despite a high quality grill and cooking station, they’re doing vegetables. VEGETABLES. Not a bit of meat to be seen. While they may deliver some A+ banter and a cute nickname, these quippy ladies do not have what it takes to be top of the heap.
7. Married… With Children
Points for deliciousness, but major negatives for never cleaning your grill. Even if it is the best burger your guests have ever had, the method is just too disgusting to fathom. Al Bundy’s approach to life is pretty grim, and unfortunately that has bled over into his cooking methodology. You might be able to enjoy his burger, but for the love of God, do not ask about his process.
6. House Of Cards
Frank Underwood clearly knows his barbecue, but he loses a few points by not making it himself. Still, anyone who regularly snacks on a full rack of ribs at 7:30 a.m. knows what he’s about. That much meat for breakfast may turn a lesser man’s stomach, but that’s just par for the course with Underwood thanks to restaurateur and friend of Frank, Freddy Hayes (Reg E. Cathey).
5. The Simpsons
As with pretty much everything, Homer fails miserably at making a barbecue pit. If he had just stood back and allowed Lisa to follow the directions and handle it herself, the Simpson’s family barbecue probably would have had much better results. However, you have to give him credit for passion, no matter how misguided. Plus, like a real grill master, Homer is able to make the best of a potentially bad situation by selling off the remains of what should have been a grill as “abstract art” instead.
4. The Sopranos
Meat is a metaphor on The Sopranos, but that doesn’t mean that Tony doesn’t know what he’s talking about. As with all aspects of his life, Tony is meticulous with the details, even with meat. Christopher may be at the helm of the grill, but it’s Tony who is really getting things done.
3. King of the Hill
Hank Hill is a simple man, but he knows what he wants when it comes to grilling steaks. Not one to mince words, Hank tells his son exactly how a steak should be, and how they should treat people who want to ruin their meat by overcooking it. There are two things you don’t want at a barbecue: well-done meat and the weak-willed individuals who want it.
2. Bob’s Burgers
While he may spend most of his time wrangling his mischievous children and neighbors, Bob Belcher’s one true passion is grilling meat. While he isn’t afforded too much creativity at Bob’s Burgers, his “burger of the day” is his true outlet to meat mastery. Between the Olive And Let Die Burger and the Hit Me With Your Best Shallot Burger, Bob is truly a man of taste and solid meat puns.
1. Parks And Recreation
Could there possibly have been anyone else at the top spot other than Ron Swanson? The man likes his meat with no frills, and the people thank him for it. Swanson knows what he’s about, and while it might be a little rough around the edges, no one can say no to a meat tornado. After a quick trip to Food ‘N Stuff, Ron is ready to make this year’s grilling extravaganza exactly how he likes it.
