Comedy Central
Last week Bill O’Reilly came up with an excellent — nay, brilliant — plan for fighting ISIS. All it involves is sending a ground force of highly-paid mercenaries from around the world to combat terrorist forces. What could go wrong with that? Other than a group of paid, vigilante assassins going completely rogue and probably causing as much if not more mayhem than they originally set out to combat.
Of course, Stephen Colbert naturally had to party poop all over military genius O’Reilly’s plan, but Papa Bear is having none of that. Yesterday on his show he featured a Tip of the Day segment on “how to deal with dumb people” dedicated to Colbert mocking his plan, conveniently leaving out the part that most of Colbert’s affirming footage on the subject literally came from Fox News talking heads.
But as O’Reilly points out, in the world of the ideologue, it’s not solutions that matter, but how you feel about things. Even if O’Reilly’s opponents, detractors, colleagues and typically like-minded individuals “feel” that his idea is dumber than a box of hair.
Never let the haters weaken your shining star, Bill.
Here’s Colbert’s original segment:
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/4060/thumb)
Did O’Reilly just watch The Expendables?
You don’t get credit for being solution-oriented if all your solutions are fucking ridiculous.
Oh, next thing you’ll tell me that unleashing our secret zombie army on ISIS is a terrible idea.
We have a secret zombie army? Cool.
Well it’s not a secret NOW, you big dummies!
Yeah, those bastards don’t pay taxes. Re-kill them all.
This seems like it’s more the place for the Cam’ron “u mad” clip. Because he mad.
So we hire soldiers, train them, and use them to fight wars for us? Isn’t that just a less-loyal, less supervised version of our military?
Also I dunno if they neuralized Bill so he’d be more convincing at his sexual assault deposition or what, but he seems to have forgotten that we already sent mercenaries to Iraq and they ended up, you know, killing civilians for fun.
^ ETA: sexual harrassment, I should say
Without that pesky liberal agenda to keep them down, imagine what they could do. :/
I’ll say this for ISIS – they may be terrible but their uniform and name choice is totally on point. They’re like the bad guys from Real Lies.
It would be a good idea if most of the “terrorists” we are fighting against weren’t already paid mercenaries by the CIA.
Does Bill O Rielly seriously not remember Blackwater?
That happened in 2007 and everyone knows American history began on Jan. 20, 2009.
No but he just watched The Expendables.
Not unless it was mentioned in a Marvel Comic book.
“The left wing will have none of that”
Well..it’s just Colbert. We progressives don’t really have a secret underground network which goes to a central nexus where wealthy demigods tell us all what to say and think.
That would be the Republicans.
“The left wing will have none of that”
Well..it’s just Colbert. Republicans don’t really have a secret underground network which goes to a central nexus where wealthy demigods tell us all what to say and think.
That would be the Liberals.
That would be the E channel. And it’s not like ISIS cut the head off of anybody famous
Wait, is O’Reilly on Tumblr? Is he really going on about his feels? Can he even right now?
Mr. T: “Bill O’Reilly said that? I pity the fool!”
So, Bill O’Reilly’s plan was GI:Joe? FLAWLESS.
I think O’Reily’s GI Joe’s are a great idea, because it’d mean we could cut out a bunch of that $680+ billion dollars the government spends on defense every year.
I love how Bill cites polls from his website as evidence. Surprisingly people that visit his website tend to agree with him.
What’s even more remarkable is that “the poll” only got 70% support, which for a television/website poll is an AWFUL number. Ed Schwartz pulls the same BS every night and the two of them almost always get 97% of their own viewers to agree with them. That even 30% of your own audience thinks you’re wrong, that’s messed up.
There is a team of guys in the Los Angeles underground that may be on board for Bill’s plan. If he can find them.
Is it just me or isn’t that Colbert’s job? [the-democratic-republican.blogspot.com]
Take The House of Reps, The Senate, G. Bush, Bill Clinton, G.W. Bush, B.H. Obama, put them on a plane, drop them over there and let them sort out the problems they created. If any survive bring them back and be sure they get afforded the same care and benefits that any VFW’s have received in the past and nothing more.
Dude… you have a point.
O’Reilly’s not pissed. He is pretending to his demographic that he is pissed. It is all part of the fictional persona he plays 100% of the time he is on air that is designed to appeal to a target demographic by repeating there own opinions, and ideas back them to make them feel validated so they keep watching. His only agenda is to hold on to the demographic so he can keep getting richer.
Not trying to be the grammar nazi, so just look at what you posted. OK?
The rest of your rant is fucking drivel.
And your mom gives out handies for meth. What’s your point?
I think Snoop Dogs assessment of Bill O’Reilly was accurate!
Other than that was the dumbest thing. I’ve heard since stop bring up history. I like how his poll was supposed to mean something. When it was onley filled out by his fans on his website, and 30% of his own idiots disagree. Is black water, and prince. paying you for this blatant plug?
My thoughts exactly…
@franklinbash – Your thoughts exactly? That was a rambling run-on misspelled example of illiteracy. The assertion that your thoughts match that nonsense speaks volumes about your mental condition.
Bastard, if you googled “ad hominem” half as much as you googled “twinks on a couch” your criticisms might carry a little more weight behind them…
So, his argument is that 70% of the idiots that watch his show agree with him? Not only that he says Stephen Colbert has no clue how to fight a jihad, but, what, he does? Yea, ok…
“You guys do a helluva job when it comes to comedy. You’re retards when it comes to political commentary.”
I agree with this assessment of FOX News.
Come on Uproxx, you know better than this. Isn’t picking on Bill O’Reilly getting old by now? It’s like picking on a bag of rocks for being almost as stupid as Bill O’Reilly.
I love how @oreillyfactor derides how you “feel about things,” while backing his opinion with “Not A Scientific Poll” from his OWN viewers.
We are in a secret war in 120 Countries and we already have a program with elite delta force DEVGRU SEAL Team Six SOCOM 60,000 plus soldiers in these groups worth billions of dollars. They kill a lot of terrorist already expect for the ones in Libyia.
I think we backed mercinaries in Afghanistan to fight the Russians. We gave them shoulder launched rpgs to take out Russian helicopters. We showed them how to shoot them. How’d that work out for us Bill. You idiot.
Don’t be pissed BillO. Be happy. Someone with brains is paying attention to you.
A private contractor (mercenary) makes at least $100,000 a year. Bill O’Reilly wants 25,000 of these mercenaries. That would cost $2.5 BILLION a year and that is just the payroll!!!
Based on your comment, I can’t imagine you have the intelligence to actually read and write. Yet, you do. Let us know when the real world intrudes upon views.
What Bill O isn’t telling you is… Isis was created by the West. Now they want to create a mercenary army to fight the army they created over there. Think about Black Water…those guys are not protecting us…so we would create this army and have no control of them either. Just stop the wars …stop making weapons of war…stop making up crap to go kill people for their oil. We all need to get in the streets everywhere and get Bill and the anchored in politicians that are kissing the rich guy butts and not doing their jobs for the public. Start over …get money for power out of it all.
As if regular troops from a nation’s military aren’t getting paid and can’t go “rogue” either. Keep living in your dream world.
I love how we are comparing the opining of an actual journalist with a satirical comedian. Get a life, people.
It’s as if people don’t understand Colbert’s entire thing is to riff on O’Reilly. BTW Stone brews are fucking incredible so nice avatar.
and isn’t it funny that what the comedian says to get a laugh is so much more reasonable and sensible than what the supposed actual journalist says with sincerity. Actually, I think I have to dispute your premise that O’Reilly is an entertainer with no more serious journalistic credentials than Colbert.
Does anyone else notice Bill O’Reilly’s plan is the new Call of Duty Advanced Warfare Synopsis?
Political commentary is, by its very nature, retarded.
Uhm is Bill implying that only liberal don’t know how to fight Jihadist? Aren’t “jihadist” an issue because no one has figured out an effective way to combat people who give 0 fucks about dying if it means their enemy also dies? I’m pretty sure no conservative has, correctly, said hey we figured out how to win and then just said fuck lets keep taking ideas
Shut The FUCK UP Bill, you are really are a Dumb Fuck!
Let me get this right just so I’m understanding correctly. All you clowns have solutions, but your not the people making the big bucks on TV news channels. Am I right?
If Bill’s idea was so great, why wasn’t it done? I think Bill’s idea is absolutely crazy. Who is in charge of these soldiers? Who would ensure they are following the Geneva Convention rules on Warfare? What would keep them from being corrupted by a Government that is already corrupt? Yes, the US Government is corrupt. And last, if this were done, don’t you think it would be a step closer to a one world government, as well as the end of the world, as shown in the Bible? Its funny how right wingers think Obama is the anti-christ, yet they come up with hair brained ideas like this that isn’t even Christian.
Sooo, O Reilly is mad that nobody thinks his plan to create COBRA is a good idea?
Well , although I never listen to what this wind bag has to say, there is some value in what he is saying. At least we now have an accurate number as to how many FOX viewers are watching and paying attention to him, or FOX in general. 20,000.
in other words, when someone says something mean about your idea, run away with your fingers in your ears and say “la la la la i can’t hear you!”
Hey Bill… If nobody responded to your absurd nonsense, would there even be a reason for you to talk about it? If a terrorist beheaded an American, and the United States quietly ignored it, would the terrorists have a reason to continue? The fact is, we are being baited into all this nonsense. It’s like magic… Hey, hey, hey!!! LOOK OVER HERE AT MY RIGHT HAND (never mind my left hand, where the action is really happening). We give terrorists a global stage, as well as free distribution. ISIS is popular because we give them completely free advertising. I’m not exactly sure why there aren’t more corporations beheading people.
Bill, I have some respect for you, but your elite commando force idea is beyond stupid. Stop giving terrorists center stage, and just ignore their bullsh*t antics. When they behead someone (as appalling and terrible as it is), and we turn around and bomb them, we’ve just given them more reason to do it again… and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again.
“Fox news colleagues disagree all the time, it’s one of the better aspects of Fox News that has made it so successful. There’ actual debate, and yes, between conservatives AND liberals.”
Name one prominent liberal consistently featured on Fox News.
The trouble with O’Reilly’s idea is that a liberal (sort of), President Obama, has a solution and has been implementing it for four days – too early to determine the mission’s effectiveness. Yet unlike O’Reilly, Obama has the resources of the United States government upon which he can base his decisions.
The merit of O’Reilly’s idea has the support of 70% of his viewers! His idea is unoriginal and reliant upon the actions of Congress, who can’t pass 10% of bipartisan bills that reach the floor. Blackwater or Xe got into trouble by stepping outside og Geneva Convention Laws, and O’Reilly’s solution was simply to make his mrecenaries follow laws they should already be following.
Run away from people who trust their own instincts, feel fear and refuse to offer you constructive criticism for your bad ideas.
– Bill O’Reilly
isis IS contracted by hitllery clinton to clean up the war lords ,which becomes a runaway frankenstein , now obama has to build the bride of frankenstein to clean out the CCC [[CLINTON CLEAN UP CREW] WHY does it only look like the real victims are the innocent children and the american tax payers? thus the only ones who benefit from this stuff are the the bushwhackers of YALE and the one street leaders genocide campaign
Do you think that Bill even knows he is in a political debate with a comedian on the Comedy Channel?
So only 20,000 people voted out of over 5 million people living in the US alone. I would have to say that he has a strong following considering he is as dumb as a brick!
So how do you handle people like Bill O’ Reilly that are too stupid to have a clue on how stupid they are? Simple, stop watching their show! Of course you will find at least 20,000 dumb people out there that are dumb enough to still watch because lets face it, there are a lot of stupid people out there!
I think what pisses Bill off the most is that he knows he lies a lot like saying a lot of military experts call him and say it is a great idea! Well when you got FOX FAKES not even willing to lie to support you and lets face it, they will lie about almost anything, you know you failed!
But hey Bill, keep thinking you have a clue! It gives the rest of us with something we call COMMON SENSE a good laugh!
“Comes from the world of the ideologues”? LOL!! Fox News and O’Reilly ARE the world of the ideologues.
His mercenary plan is horrible, just more out sourcing, which we know that the GOP and Neo Cons love. Uh Bill? That didn’t work to well the last time we went into Iraq and it costs us a shit of load of cash. And when those mercenaries commit horrible acts, who is going to be held responsible? Not those guys, sure they will be pre-immuned to any criminal acts they will commit. So it is America that will be held accountable.
Bill… bottom line, you are dangerous. Your ideas are horrible. And what the hell do you know about fighting an insurgent war? Where is your street cred coming from?
And you only got 70% from the fans from your own ideologue world? That isn’t that impressive at all.
You are presuming that O’Reilly’s suggestion is actually a solution. It is not! Well other then bad and dangerous.
Colbert’s job does not include offering suggestions, he is playing a CHARACTER, which is not what Bill is doing, while he most certainly a character.
Remember Blackwater, the mercenaries that the Bush admin hired, who committed horrible acts? You really think that is a military solution? Actually anything the 2nd Bush Admin did, should not even be considered, because 89% proved to be a complete and utter failure.
Now, if we were to follow a Bush for an example of how to start and end a war quickly… look back to what Bush 41 did. He didn’t talk about overwhelming force, he DEPLOYED overwhelming force, roughly 500,000 troops just to kick Saddam out of Kuwait. His moron son and evil Cheney didn’t deploy that many troops at once while fighting two wars.
I completely hate the idea of sending our troops back to Iraq and how much it would cost. But, if we want to end this thing and end it quickly, we send in 500,000 troops with the serious hardware to back them up. That should not be 500,000 American troops, it should be troops that MUST include troops from ARAB NATIONS! They need to be at the point of the spear with perhaps 300,000 of our guys/women right behind them, covering their rear and flanks, as they ARAB troops march into one city after another.
The ends doesn’t always justify the means. How else would you then differentiate yourself from the terrorists? You’d just get more inhumane acts of war and the probability that they would eventually start taking orders from other people with more money, creating a new terrorist group.
We have yet to really be victorious in these types of alternative terrain/gorilla warfare situations. I believe that our military tactics need to be revisited. But that is OUR military, OUR strategy, and OUR ethical standards. Mercenaries are variables that cannot be controlled.
BillO you’re stepping out of your league again, remember, “the tides go out, the tides come in, no body knows”. Your on web site poll was only 70%, damn ! I’ve never seen a lower poll # with your own red meat feed minions, that’s priceless. LMFAO