Breaking Badass Power Rankings: ‘Granite State’

By: 09.23.13  •  75 Comments
granite state main

Breaking Bad is one of the greatest shows of all-time, so while Cajun Boy recaps each episode, I’m here to give you a little something extra via the Breaking Badass Power Rankings, which ranks the most badass characters from every episode. Why “Badass?” Obviously, the so-not-clever-that-it’s-clever name, but also because Breaking Bad is the kind of a show that makes you want to drink an entire bottle of bourbon before watching it, to soothe your soon-to-be-tense nerves. That’s pretty badass.

Episode: “Granite State”

Not Ranked: the state of New Hampshire.

#3. Webster’s Dictionary defines “badass” as, “We’re not explaining the meaning of this non-word to you. Check out Urban Dictionary if you’re curious for some reason, you dolt.” Urban Dictionary defines “badass” as, “Ultra-cool motherf*cker.” At this point in Breaking Bad‘s run, with only a single episode left to go (/ODs on Franch), very few characters could still be called “ultra-cool motherf*ckers.” The bodies that remain are shattered, split into fragile pieces by Heisenberg, including the man who allowed him to rise in the first place, Walter White.

Walt: fugitive, exiled to a cabin in the New Hampshire woods, barely able to stand up without having a coughing fit, undergoing chemotherapy, has gone insane from watching Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium just that one time.

walt granite state

Skyler: afraid to speak, gets home invaded by Nazis in the middle of the night.

skyler granite state

Jesse: bruised, battered, has lost the will to live, lives in a pit, watched his ex-girlfriend get popped in the head because of his actions, was hoping for Cherry Garcia.

jesse granite state

Hank: dead.

dead hank

Marie: numb.

marie

Holly: baby.

holly granite state

Saul: looks like every late-night mugshot.

saul granite state

Lydia: can’t sever her ties with Todd, otherwise the Nazis will come a-calling.

lydia granite state

Todd: HE SMILED WHEN HE HEARD JESSE TALK ABOUT KILLING THAT INNOCENT KID WITH A SPIDER HE’S NOT BADASS I’M NOT GOING TO PUT HIM ON THIS LIST YOU MONSTER, isn’t named Lance.

todd granite state

This Guy: looks like flat-faced Kevin Spacey.

kevin spacey granite state

Flynn’s principal: hates being the most attractive person in Albuquerque.

principal granite state

Elliott and Gretchen Schwartz: LIED TO CHARLIE ROSE.

grey matters granite state

Huell: still in that motel.

huell

So, who’s left?

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