Breaking Badass Power Rankings: ‘Granite State’

granite state main

Breaking Bad is one of the greatest shows of all-time, so while Cajun Boy recaps each episode, I’m here to give you a little something extra via the Breaking Badass Power Rankings, which ranks the most badass characters from every episode. Why “Badass?” Obviously, the so-not-clever-that-it’s-clever name, but also because Breaking Bad is the kind of a show that makes you want to drink an entire bottle of bourbon before watching it, to soothe your soon-to-be-tense nerves. That’s pretty badass.

Episode: “Granite State”

Not Ranked: the state of New Hampshire.

#3. Webster’s Dictionary defines “badass” as, “We’re not explaining the meaning of this non-word to you. Check out Urban Dictionary if you’re curious for some reason, you dolt.” Urban Dictionary defines “badass” as, “Ultra-cool motherf*cker.” At this point in Breaking Bad‘s run, with only a single episode left to go (/ODs on Franch), very few characters could still be called “ultra-cool motherf*ckers.” The bodies that remain are shattered, split into fragile pieces by Heisenberg, including the man who allowed him to rise in the first place, Walter White.

Walt: fugitive, exiled to a cabin in the New Hampshire woods, barely able to stand up without having a coughing fit, undergoing chemotherapy, has gone insane from watching Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium just that one time.

walt granite state

Skyler: afraid to speak, gets home invaded by Nazis in the middle of the night.

skyler granite state

Jesse: bruised, battered, has lost the will to live, lives in a pit, watched his ex-girlfriend get popped in the head because of his actions, was hoping for Cherry Garcia.

jesse granite state

Hank: dead.

dead hank

Marie: numb.

marie

Holly: baby.

holly granite state

Saul: looks like every late-night mugshot.

saul granite state

Lydia: can’t sever her ties with Todd, otherwise the Nazis will come a-calling.

lydia granite state

Todd: HE SMILED WHEN HE HEARD JESSE TALK ABOUT KILLING THAT INNOCENT KID WITH A SPIDER HE’S NOT BADASS I’M NOT GOING TO PUT HIM ON THIS LIST YOU MONSTER, isn’t named Lance.

todd granite state

This Guy: looks like flat-faced Kevin Spacey.

kevin spacey granite state

Flynn’s principal: hates being the most attractive person in Albuquerque.

principal granite state

Elliott and Gretchen Schwartz: LIED TO CHARLIE ROSE.

grey matters granite state

Huell: still in that motel.

huell

So, who’s left?

Around The Web

Featured

This 25-Year-Old Running For Congress Defies Millennial Stereotypes

Crucial Advice About Fear And Adventure From An Amazon Explorer

Six Worldview-Expanding Options For An Incredible Gap Year

A Fact-Soaked Odyssey Through Kentucky’s Bourbon Country

This Woman Is Fighting The Stigma Of Sex Work In America In Hopes Of Getting Her Child Back

‘We Went To The Moon In 1969’: How The ‘Even Stevens’ Musical Episode Changed The Disney Channel Forever

M.T. Anderson Correctly Predicted Your ‘Feed’ Back In 2002, Are You Ready To Hear What He Says Is Coming Next?

Kenya’s Massive Ivory Burn Should Light A Fire Under Us All

Returning To The Boston Marathon Offered A Lesson In Facing Fears

Is There More To The Adam Walsh Story?

Stand-Up Comedy Scared The Hell Out Of Me, So I Decided To Give It A Shot

W. Kamau Bell On Joking With The KKK For CNN And Quoting Malcolm X In His New Special