Pictured here is the aftermath of two-time Academy Award nominee Catherine Keener slapping me at last night’s “So You Think You Can Pong” charity ping pong tournament benefiting 826NYC. It would be a lot more fun to leave that without any context, but I’ll explain: for a $10 donation to 826, Keener would either compliment your physical appearance or slap you (your choice). One guy dropped $100 to get slapped ten times (you can find his personal ads on Craigslist, I believe). I paid $20 and got one of each.
My compliment? “You have a magnificent cock.” Ha ha, no. Just kidding. She took me by the shoulders, looked me over, and said, “You have a very, very beautiful face.” And she really is a good actress, because I totally believed her for a moment. Then she slapped me — hard — across the left cheek. It was painful and more than a little arousing. I’m telling you, it was the best $20 I’ve ever spent. And I’m a man who’s received some very worthwhile lap dances. Plus those twenties didn’t go to charity. Except for that time I got a dance from Charity.
(Stay tuned for the full recap tomorrow morning. Yup, I’m a tease. I learned it from Charity.)