As just about everyone knows, the Queen of England is a huge fan of corgis. She has had dozens of them during her time on the throne, two of whom are featured in the above GIF, which was taken from the Olympic Opening Ceremony this year in London. What you may not have known, however, is that the Queen’s corgis are apparently BLOODTHIRSTY TERRITORIAL MONSTERS WHO WILL BITE PART OF YOUR FACE OFF FOR LITTLE TO NO REASON AND THEN LAUGH ABOUT IT LIKE IT’S A BIG JOKE.
Don’t believe me? Read on:
They may be among the Queen’s favourite subjects but her corgis are in the doghouse after getting into a fight with one of Princess Beatrice’s pets.
Max, an 11–year–old Norfolk terrier, is said to have been badly injured after a “nasty” encounter at Balmoral castle last week.
The Princess’s pet nearly lost an ear and suffered several bloody bite injuries that had to be treated by a vet, in the latest in a series of scraps between royal dogs.
A series of scraps? What is this, a DMX video?
The Queen was elsewhere in her Scottish castle when the fight erupted between six corgis and three Norfolk terriers.
Her dog walker was leading the group through one of the castle’s corridors when they became “overexcited” and began “fighting among themselves”.
COME ON. RIDE. OR. DIE. WHAT Y’ALL REALLY WAAAAANT? UH. WHAT Y’ALL REALLY WAAAAAAAAANT?
“The Queen’s dog boy was taking the corgis for a walk and they were joined by the Norfolk terriers, which came with Prince Andrew,” one insider told a Sunday newspaper.
[immediately begins writing a Pixar movie titled The Queen’s Dog Boy about an orphan who is given the job of tending to the Queen’s dogs and falls in love with the princess in the process. Think Aladdin meets The Princess Bride meets King Ralph. Voices by Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Watson, Helen Mirren, and Jeremy Irons as the evil head of security at the castle. It will be beloved by children and adults alike. Armond White will declare it to be shameful capitalist propaganda. Four out of four stars.]
“They were being taken along the long corridor leading to the Tower Door before being let into the grounds for a walk, and they all became overexcited. They began fighting among themselves and unfortunately the dog boy lost control.
“The next thing we knew there were horrific yelps and screams and it seems the corgis picked on Max.
… aaaaaaaaaaaaand now I’m picturing the Queen’s corgis smoking cigarettes and snapping their fingers like the Jets in West Side Story, singing about how they’ll band together against the terriers.
There goes this weekend.
“He was very badly injured and had to be taken to the local vet. There was blood everywhere.”
Just to be clear, even though I’m having some fun with things here, this is pretty sad stuff. Luckily Max survived and appears to be doing well, but let this be a reminder to all of you: