Bad news: Guy Fieri has not — I repeat, NOT — been slaughtered and chopped up to be sold at Costco. The “Guy Fieri Marinated Meat Variety Pack” has 14 pounds of ribs, beef, chicken, and pork chops — but, alas, not a single ounce of Fieri’s bloody corpse.
Guy Fieri brings you his new line of ready-to-cook meats, Guy Fieris Flavortown Foods, so that you can cook like a chef for yourself, your family and friends. Big, bold, ‘off-tha-hook’ flavors on only the most choice cuts of beef, chicken and pork make cookin up a real deal meal as easy as it gets, any time, any place. [Costco via Eater]
The total price: $139.99, or about $10 per pound of meat. I would rather feed my money into a paper shredder than give it to Guy Fieri.
Wow!!!
…meat that is “ready-to-cook”……
..what will they think of next…
….and ten bucks a pound…?
…that’ll buy a lot of Ramen…
The meat can be found right next to the over-sized tub of hair gel and Valtrex.
Did anyone else have a fit of rage when they read “off-tha-hook flavors?”
Since Fieri’s name is one this meat it must be marinated in water and vinegar.
Guy Fieri is a 40-some-odd-year-old man who talks and dresses the way elderly people think teenagers do. Based on this information, I have come to the conclusion that he is a narc. There is literally no other explanation for his existence.
“We don’t want your hate crimes here, narc.”
Even Ron Swanson wouldn’t buy that meat in bulk.
@ Upstate Underdog
You are not alone. I actually made an audible moan sitting in my cubicle.
Can I expect the same flavor and quality of a Chili’s meal?
I could only hate him more if he married a Kardashian.
Oh “Eater” commenters your hate is so weak and sugary. Let’s kick it up a notch, BAM!
/feels shame
If that sAints Doh (The Turd) ad doesn’t stop cussin’ me we’re gonna have to step outside.
/cracks knuckles
Won’t some please think of the children and cut the brake lines of his giant yellow douche truck.
*Someone
KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL.
Sorry, for some reason that word just echoes through my mind incessantly when I see that schmuck with his big mouth and pot belly and flaming gay hair.
I can barely use the microwave but I am pretty sure I can get by without meat from a guy named….Guy.
$10 per pound? That is more than I would pay at Whole Foods or some other regionally appropriate hippy/yuppie grocery store for most of the cuts of meat. I cannot remember who said this, but Guy Fieri is the personification of chili cheese fries.
By my calculations, that’s about $90 of meat, and $50 of Guy Fieri laughing at you. Anyone who buys this should be mercy killed.
Guy Fieri = Poochie the Rockin’ Dog
My hate has been nurtured and has grown nicely thanks to this post.
Guy Fieri is the living embodiment of Smashmouth’s “All Star”.
I, too, had “off-tha-hook” flavor in the late-80’s, when I was in an Off-Broadway Dance-Gang.
Oddly enough, that’s also when I got Buffalo-Ranch Herpes.
GUY FIERI IS FRIENDS WITH THE SINGER FROM SMASHMOUTH! I AM NOT KIDDING! IT WAS ON THAT “LET’S LOOK AT FATTIES EATING AT A DINER” SHOW HE DOES! I HAVE NEVER WITNESSED ANYTHING MAKE MORE SENSE.
The horrible secret about Chef guy is that he can’t operate a microwave. He did have some success once at making popcorn with a Wear Ever hot air popcorn maker when he was 13.
For those kinds of prices, they should come with a pair of backwards sunglasses and a box of home-kit douches.