05.18.09 8 years ago 4 Comments

Don’t you love how Twilight and “True Blood” are all the rage because teenage girls and retards get off on handsome romantic brooding vampires who love a human girl instead of tearing her throat open and drinking her blood like vampires are supposed to do?  Well, the CW is going to do the same thing, except this time there are TWO vampires!  And they love the same girl!  And they’re brothers!  OMG OMG FRATERNAL VAMPIRE LOVE TRIANGLE!!!! **fans self**

“Vampire Diaries” is the first CW series to land a pickup for fall.  Based on the Alloy young adult novels about a young woman courted by two vampire brothers, one good and one evil. The brothers are at war over her soul as well as the souls of her friends, family members, and town.

“It taps into what women have been fascinated with for years,” CW President of Entertainment Dawn Ostroff said in March. ” ‘Dark Shadows,’ ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer,’ and ‘Twilight.’ ” It’s a great story about a young woman who is in a love triangle between two brothers. It’s all about her life. We like that it’s romantic and dangerous all at the same time.” [Show Tracker]

Jesus H., how many iterations of the same story are we going to have to suffer through?  When did all vampires become total pussies?  Why can’t they just nail the hot teenage they ass they fall in love with, and then bite the teenage ass so the teenage ass becomes immortal teenage ass?  Vampires were way better when they were eccentric old counts who lived in scary castles.  Preferably portrayed by Gary Oldman.

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