‘Dexter’ Discussion: Oh God! The Agony. Make It Stop Please Make It Stop!

By: 09.09.13  •  113 Comments

I mentioned on Twitter last night that watching Dexter after Breaking Bad is like having a post-coital cigarette laced with ricin and shame. After suffering through the episode, I think that I gave too much credit to Dexter. Despite the fact that it’d be an agonizing death resulting from complete organ shutdown, I think I’d still consider ricin a mercy killing, at least compared to suffering through two more episodes of this terrible, awful season. A lot of shows have fallen from great heights (Weeds, The Office) but nothing has fallen from great to wretched and unwatchable as much as Dexter has this season. It is laughable, at least when you’re not crying from the boredom.

Let’s break it down.

Think about this for a second. In eight seasons of Dexter, we’ve have serial killers played by Julia Stiles, Yvonne Strahovski, Colin Hanks/Edward James Olmos, Jimmy Smits, and John Lithgow. Who does the series cast as the final season Big Bad? Crazy Eyes Gosling. Quick! Without looking, can anyone name the actor who plays Oliver Saxon?

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Of course you can’t. His name is Darri Ingolfsson. THAT’S NOT EVEN A REAL NAME. Before Dexter, his most prominent role was a recurring one on Last Resort. I watched that show. I have no recollection of this guy whatsoever. They probably approached someone like Donal Logue first, and when he read the script, he laughed in their faces and chose to do Copper instead. COPPER, people.

Poor Charlotte Rampling. In between every take, she probably turns to the director says, “Who the f**k is this guy?”

Anyway, Oliver Saxon/Daniel Vogel has some issues. He’s jealous of Dexter. These are his jealous eyes. FEAR THEM.

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Dexter has come up with a BRILLIANT plan for escaping to Argentina. See, although Hannah’s face has been plastered all over the news, and she’d probably be instantly recognizable in an airport, if she traveled with Dexter and his son, NO ONE WOULD NOTICE. A family makes her INVISIBLE. It’s kind of like the plot of We’re the Millers, only it’s not an intentional comedy. “Oh, Dexter. Kiss me, you brilliant serial killer!”

How did Dexter manage to avoid capture for eight seasons with schemes like that.

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Dexter and Hannah also had the same conversation I think three times last night. I’m paraphrasing here:

Hannah: “I really wish we could go to Argentina now.”

Dexter: “I know! I just have to kill Oliver Saxon first.”

Hannah: “Why?”

Dexter: *shrugs shoulders*

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Anyway, Dr. Vogel doesn’t want Dexter to find Saxon because “I don’t want you to kill him.” She doesn’t want to be protected, either. She wants Dexter to go to Argentina. What’s stopping him now?

*shrugs shoulders*

Debra didn’t want Dexter to go to Argentina, either. But then she had a heart-to-heart with Quinn, and Quinn dropped this truth bomb on Debra:

“Sometimes, things don’t feel right. Changing it up is better for everyone involved.”

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BOOM! MIND CHANGED. Thanks, Quinn!

Meanwhile, in Nikki and Masuka’s one scene, Masuka chided Nikki for smoking pot. “You have every right to tell me what to do at work, but you have no right to tell me what to do at home.” DAD BURN.

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Could someone please explain to me the purpose behind these characters?

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