I spend a disproportionate amount of time making fun of “Entourage” and expressing wonder at how anyone can root for the tiny, selfish men the show revolves around, but I will credit the show for this: after seven years of Vincent Chase’s life being a non-stop parade of almost-bummers that turn out TOTALLY AWESOME, last year’s season finale ended with Vince addicted to cocaine and actually going to jail. To my knowledge, it’s the first time any character has suffered any kind of real-life consequences on the show.
Now we’ve got the Season 8 trailer, and don’t worry — Vince isn’t going to backslide into drug use like EVERY OTHER CELEBRITY WHO GOES TO REHAB. The final season is all about BEING AWESOME. Please, just skip the trailer and follow along as I walk you the predictable arc of the trailer, which plays out the same way every single episode of “Entourage” ever does.
“Hey guys, sorry about my character actually suffering consequences last season. Total downer. But I’m clean now, and things are going to get back to awesome just as soon as I get back to my mansion.”
“Vince is back from rehab! Come on, sluts! Let’s show him our tits!”
SLUTS! SLUTS! SLUTS SLUTS SLUTS SLUTS!
“Remember how I was offended about being the voice of a cartoon character last season? Turns out it’s AWESOME, bro. Also, my shirt has jaws.”
“Yeah, I wrote a script. I learned how to type in rehab.”
Still wearing Knicks paraphernalia and askew baseball caps.
Still unhappy with E.
Still pissed at Ari.
NOTE: most of the drama of the trailer comes from people walking quickly. SO EXCITING.
“What, Drama? You gonna go up against me?”
“But I got you this job!”
Say what you will about how this show is shallow, repetitive, and lazy, but Kevin Dillon has done some breakthrough work in the art of bitchface.
Actual line from Vince: “Friendship comes first.” Next shot: the boys are all walking the same direction together. If I know anything about “Entourage,” that means everything’s going to turn out just fine for everybody. Let’s see what happens.
Final line of dialogue in the trailer: “We will all prevail.” Followed by: shouts of “YEAH!” and high fives.