‘Game Of Thrones’ Characters Ranked By How Devastating Their Death Would Be


A few preliminary notes:

  • This is a list of Game of Thrones characters ranked by how upset their death would make me heading into season seven. Things can change. If you stumble upon this post, say, six weeks from today and Arya has become an evil little sociopath, please disregard her entry.
  • No, Daenerys and Jon Snow are not on this list. Neither one of them is going to die. Not yet, at least. Probably. I don’t know. Honestly, I wouldn’t even be that sad if someone killed Jon. Again. He’s a doof.
  • This list is human-only, but please know that if any dragon or direwolf dies, I will be furious.

Okay, let’s begin.

12. Bronn

Bronn presents a tricky case right from the jump. On one hand, I love him and I want him to survive the run of the show and, honestly, if you get a few drinks in me or just ask me nicely, I could make a pretty decent case that he would make the best monarch of anyone on the show, official claim to the throne be damned. Bronn is the best. He’s sarcastic and great at fighting and hates everyone. He’s like a young version of Mike from Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul. If he dies, it will devastate me.

On the other hand, I am not so blinded by my affection for Bronn that I can’t see the writing on the wall: he’s a non-essential character whose personality and general decision-making often put him in a position where people holding sharp and/or flaming things are upset at him. People like that don’t last long on Game of Thrones. He could go at almost any moment. Same goes for Daario, who is basically Fancy Bronn, and therefore much worse and not on this list.

So, anyway, I am prepared to make a compromise: I will handle Bronn’s hypothetical death well as long as he gets to go out in a blaze of glory. Charging into a dangerous situation, fighting off five to ten evil warriors to protect someone we care about, getting some painfully cool last line as he dies in someone’s arms, something along those lines. A full hero death. That, I can handle. But if he just gets vaporized by magic or gets his head popped like a cherry tomato by the Zombie Mountain or something, I will be inconsolable.

11. Varys

Varys is kind of like if Karl Rove was a lovable robe-wearing eunuch who had an army of child spies. This, somehow, is a compliment. I swear.

10. Arya Stark

I feel weird putting Arya this low on the list because Arya is pretty cool and has been through a lot in her short life she did the Jason Bourne roof jump last season, which was awesome. Here, look.

But Arya kind of falls into the same category as Bronn, especially where we are as we enter this season. She is a full-on assassin now. She cut a dude’s eyes out. She tricked Walder Frey into eating a pie made out of his own children, for the love of the old gods and the new. She is a vigilante who is hellbent on bloody revenge and once you really commit to living that kind of life, you invite the possibility of an early demise. I’ll be sad if Arya dies, and very surprised because the show has invested a lot of screen time in her journey so far, but I can talk myself into it as a consequence of doing business.

9. Brienne

Here, dear reader, is where I begin revealing myself as a hypocrite. Because almost everything I said about Bronn and Arya can be applied to Brienne. She opted into a career of sword-swinging and protecting people whose lives are often in danger. She’s not one of the most central characters. She’s kind of Bronn if Bronn was less charming and had more honor. But for some reason that I haven’t quite identified yet, her death would probably make me more upset than his, even though I like him more. Her death would just feel more unfair. The closest I’ve come to figuring it out is comparing them to Riggs and Murtaugh from Lethal Weapon, with Bronn as Riggs and Brienne as Murtaugh, and yes I would watch a shot-for-shot remake of this movie, thanks.

8. Olenna Tyrell

Olenna should be ranked much higher. Old women who spend all day drinking wine and talking shit are one of the world’s greatest natural resources. In another life, she would have made a decent Golden Girl. (Also in another life, Rue McClanahan would have made a decent Olenna Tyrell.) And she killed Joffrey. The importance of that point cannot possibly be overstated. Someone should give her a parade. Not even on the show. In real life. I will do it if everyone else is busy.

The problem here, and I’ll be as delicate as I can with my words, is that she is not as young as the other people on this list. There a non-zero chance that she actually gets to die of natural causes instead of getting murdered, which, on this show, is something resembling a miracle. If that happens, we should celebrate her life instead of mourn her death.

6. Grey Worm and Missandei (tie)

Grey Worm and Missandei are tied on this list because if either one of them dies it will ruin my dream of the two of them getting married and adopting a bunch of Dothraki orphans and moving into a quiet suburban cul de sac like the whole thing up and became a sitcom on ABC.

5. Tyrion Lannister

Losing Tyrion would suck because Tyrion is the beating heart of this show. Or rather, one of the beating hearts on this show, considering we’ve seen a few forcibly removed from people and/or horses. Let’s try this: he’s the metaphorical beating heart of this show. He’s the closest thing there is to comedic relief, he’s a consistently savvy political operator, and he’s easy to root for on a show where very few characters can pull that off. Few moments in this show have made me happier than when he shot his father with a crossbow while his father was on the toilet, which says quite a bit about the challenging life he’s had and says even more about the experience of watching this show. Also, Peter Dinklage is the best.

But, as with most of the other characters we’ve discussed so far, Tyrion is far from innocent, and often does things that create dicey situations for him and others. He’s already had to talk himself out of death a few times and he has a handful of enemies floating around the Seven Kingdoms. It’s not entirely outlandish to say he’s on borrowed time. Would I be sad if Tyrion dies? Well, yeah. Of course. And I think the show would suffer tremendously from losing him because, like, you can’t take away Tyrion. (Who would say all the words?) But it wouldn’t be totally unreasonable within the context of the show. That’s all I’m saying.

4. Sansa Stark

The Arya/Sansa situation here is a little like the Bronn/Brienne one we discussed earlier. I like Arya more. Arya is a badass. There are not enough rogue teen assassins on television. This is something I have always said. But man, Sansa has been through so much, and often in a way that felt gratuitous and unnecessary. Between Joffrey and Ramsay, it feels like she’s earned a win or two, right? Or at least the right to, like, not just get murdered a month after freeing herself of them. That wouldn’t sit right.

3. Tormund Giantsbane

I don’t know exactly when it happened. Probably sometime around when he started making the kind of eyes at Brienne that a confused teenager makes at a girl right as puberty hits and testosterone starts gushing through his veins like someone kicked open a fire hydrant, even though Tormund is very much already a grown man with thick patches of auburn body hair to prove it. That seems to when everyone became pro-Tormund, either because they started becoming invested in the two characters having sex or because it turned Tormund from an unkempt non-housebroken mad man into an unkempt non-housebroken mad man with a heart of gold. I don’t know.

Whatever it was, the end result is that I love him now. Part of me hopes this season contains an extended montage of him shaving and trying on fancy new clothes in an attempt to impress her, and he shows up at her door in an ill-fitting suit with flowers in his hands and his hair combed and parted like an awkward kid going to prom. I don’t think I’m asking too much.

2. Samwell Tarly

JUST LET SAM PLAY WITH HIS BOOKS. LEAVE HIM ALONE. HE’S A SWEET BOY.

1. Lyanna Mormont

This cannot happen for three reasons:

  • After Shireen’s death, I am officially all good on seeing young girls on this show murdered in brutal fashion by crappy adults. I was all good before that, to be honest. But now I am definitely good. No more needed. Thanks.
  • Lyanna Mormont is cool.
  • Please see reasons one and two.

We must protect her.

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