So, here’s the thing: A man drove down the street in Fresno the other day, declared himself to be Jesus Christ, began shouting the n-word, drove his car into a black electric company worker and pinned him against his truck, jumped out and started beating up a nearby woman, and that is somehow the second craziest part of this news story.
You see, at some point prior to his violent, racist rampage, the driver picked up a homeless hitchhiker named Kai. And Kai had a hatchet. And when the driver — a six-foot fall, 300+ lb. man — jumped out and started beating up the nearby woman, Kai leaped into action and saved her by repeatedly smashing him on the head with the blunt end of said hatchet. And then, God bless his heroic, hatchet-wielding soul, Kai explained all this to a local news reporter in a profanity-laden interview that places him squarely in the Sweet Brown Wing of the News Interview Hall of Fame.
I don’t want to spoil it for all of you, but Kai’s third appearance in the clip, around the 1:30 mark, is one of the greatest things I have ever seen, and should be studied by historians for centuries.
VERY IMPORTANT UPDATE: Here are six, unedited, extremely NSFW minutes of Kai. Please God, someone put all of the microphones in front of his mouth.