Posted below, please find the transcript of a 911 call that took place last night, November 18, 2012, at 10:58 PM EST.
ME: [dials 911]
911 OPERATOR: 911, what’s your emergency?
ME: HELP! I think someone poisoned me!
911 OPERATOR: Calm down, sir. Why do you think someone poisoned you?
ME: I’m freaking out!
911 OPERATOR: Sir, please relax. Tell me what happened.
ME: Well, I know I didn’t take any drugs tonight…
911 OPERATOR: Okay…
ME: … and I was just sitting here watching the American Music Awards…
911 OPERATOR: Right…
ME: … and then I started hallucinating! SOMEONE MUST HAVE DRUGGED ME!
911 OPERATOR: What kind of hallucinations are you having, sir?
911 OPERATOR: MC Hammer? Isn’t he like 50 years old?
ME: I KNOW!
911 OPERATOR: How’s he look?
ME: Pretty good, actually. He still moves pretty well for an older gu-WAIT A SECOND. THIS IS SERIOUS.
911 OPERATOR: I’m sorry, sir. Are you having any other symptoms?
ME: OH GOD NOW THEY’RE DOING A “2 LEGIT 2 QUIT” MASHUP. AT THE AMAS. AND THE CROWD IS GOING WILD.
911 OPERATOR: Stay where you are, sir. I’ll send help immediately.
ME: HURRY! I THINK HAMMER IS BEING POSSESSED BY DEMONS!
GIFs via @cjzero