‘How I Met Your Mother’ Relationship Fails You Can Probably Relate To

How I Met Your Mother was, in a sense, a father’s guide for his children on how to successfully fall in love despite occasionally getting distracted by bro codes, “sandwiches,” and Cockamice. For eight long seasons (the pilot premiered 10 years ago today), Ted Mosby taught his children how he, well, met their mother, though not without constant interruptions to discuss all the what-could-have-been romances he had along the way.

Many of those what-could-have-beens never were because Ted made a critical mistake. He also spent quite a bit of time watching his friends make their own mistakes. Here are eight relationship fails from How I Met Your Mother that you can probably relate to.

Especially the final one.

1. The Platinum Rule

Most of Barney Stinson’s wisdom was either inaccurate, misogynistic, or both. But occasionally he made some sense. The Platinum Rule is an eight-step process (from “Attraction” to the dreaded “Fallout”) that essentially boils down to “don’t sh*t where you eat,” or in less disgusting terminology, don’t sleep with someone you see all the time. Otherwise, you run the risk of things getting awkward. Barney hooked up with Wendy the Waitress at MacLaren’s Pub, then became afraid she would kill him because he broke up with her. It’s a tempting rule to break, but don’t do it.

2. Hide your sex tape

A sex tape with you and your partner is a perfectly normal thing to have (especially if you’re Jason Segel, apparently). Just make sure you do a good job of hiding it from your friends, otherwise you, and more importantly, your co-star, could be humiliated. Not that they should watch it. As Barney learns, nothing good can come from seeing your buddy in the throes of passion.

3. Breaking up over the phone

This is the part of the post where we make fun of Ted, who’s kind of a jerk. Take Natalie, for instance, a perfectly nice, smart, attractive woman… with whom Ted breaks up on her birthday, on her answering machine, because he “didn’t want to give a boyfriend-level gift for a girl I was just about to break up with.” He thinks he’s doing the noble thing, but c’mon, don’t ruin a person’s birthday like that. Wait until the next morning, at least.

4. Think about who you’re bringing to the party

An entire party can be derailed by one person. Ted has a habit of being on a date with this person. When Marshall passes the bar exam, the gang has a party, and Ted invites his new fling, Strawberry, to the shindig. She’s an immediate killjoy, screaming “Meat is murder!” and throwing blood on a chef because she’s vegetarian. Ted had no idea this near-stranger was going to be so awful, but his friends did. How? Her name is Strawberry!

5. The in-law conundrum

If TV has taught us anything, it’s that you’re supposed to hate your in-laws because they hate you. It’s a vicious cycle. Lily at one point reveals that she can’t stand Marshall’s mom, Judy, which hurts him. They’re very close, and to say that you hate his mother is like saying you hate him. Lily later fake apologizes to Judy on the phone — it’s actually Ted on the other line — but the point is, it’s better to keep your opinions on those cold monsters known as in-laws secret.


6. Beauty vs. brains

Robin’s Come On, Get Up New York! co-anchor, the ever-perky Becky, is cute as a button and has the enthusiasm of someone half her age. Which is sort of the problem. She acts like and has the intelligence of a needy child. She and Ted even do “baby talk” together, which is not a euphemism. She literally speaks like a baby, but Ted tries to stick it out because she’s very attractive. It’s tough, but have some self-respect, man.

7. What’s your number?

You meet someone at a party you’re instantly attracted to. You guys click, and he or she also happens to be as cute as a pumpkin, slutty or otherwise. You want to see them every day for the rest of your life. You successfully get their phone number so you can go on a date together, and get married, and have babies, but you write their digits on a candy bar wrapper, which you promptly lose. Ted met Naomi before cell phones were really a thing, but this could still happen to you. Protect the number with your life, otherwise you might lose your Slutty Pumpkin, too.

8. Don’t hook up with your close friend, whom your children call “aunt,” after your wife dies.

We’ve all been there, am I right?

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