There’s no getting around it: discussing politics, especially on the Internet, is awful. It’s the answer to, “How can Twitter and Facebook be even more insufferable?” No one’s right, everyone’s wrong, and the conversation quickly turns into a screaming match and OMG WHY?!?!? #NOBAMA. *slowly backs away*
That’s reason #53,429 why I love The Simpsons — their vitriol towards all things political is something that I’m completely on-board with. And when they did have a politics-heavy episode, like “Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington,” it never felt cheap or disingenuous or preachy — it was hilarious, and proof positive that liberals (most of the writing staff) and conservatives (the best Simpsons writer, John Swartzwelder) could come together and make something beautiful. Because, really, at the end of the day, aren’t we all just frightened and horny?
With that in mind: here are some other lessons The Simpsons has taught us about politics over the years.
Crazy promises are an important part of any election.
Pander to the sexiest common denominator.
As Americans, we must always move forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom! Also, free American flags are an important give-away item.
The mainstream media is prone to indulging in their biases.
Please vote. Please…
…even if it makes you a little fruity.
The city of Washington was built on a stagnant swamp some 200 years ago, and very little has changed. It stank then, and it stinks now. Only today, it is the fetid stench of corruption that hangs in the air.
Pay top-dollar for a catchy campaign jingle.
Paid for by the Mayor Quimby for Mayor Mayoral Committee
MORE ASBESTOS! MORE ASBESTOS! MORE ASBESTOS!
Some things are worth paying taxes for.
The trading gap and the budget gap are basically the same thing, and should never be explained in song.
The tone of an important speech can be the make or break moment for a candidate.
American flags make for wonderful throwing spears.
Something something THOSE FAT CATS IN WASHINGTON.
Democracy simply doesn’t work.
Homosexuals shouldn’t be feared by certain political parties; they’re a fun bunch…
…but watch out for their gay guns.
If you have to live next to a former-president, make it Gerald Ford.
But stay far away from Jimmy Carter. He’s history’s greatest monster.
And most importantly, if the country turns to sh*t, don’t blame me — I voted for Kodos.
But seriously, no matter who you voted for today, we’re doomed. DOOMED.