John Malkovich will star in Crossbones, NBC’s summer series about the infamous pirate Blackbeard, which was written and co-executive produced by Luther creator Neil Cross. Let’s tick off the highlights of that sentence one more time to drive them home: John Malkovich. As Blackbeard. In a series written and produced by the mind behind the BBC’s Luther. Yes yes yes.
Malkovich will play Edward Teach, AKA the pirate Blackbeard, who rules over the various thieves and ne’er-do-wells that populate the Bahamian island of New Providence — part shantytown, part marauder’s paradise and a mounting threat to international commerce. To gain control of this fearsome society, Tom Lowe, a highly skilled undercover assassin, is sent to the buccaneers’ haven to take down the brilliant and charismatic Blackbeard. But the closer Lowe gets, the more he finds that his quest is not so simple. [TV Line]
Now let’s tick off the potentially worrisome part of that sentence: NBC.
I don’t even mean that from an “NBC screws everything up” perspective, either. (Although I also mean it that way, I suppose.) What I mean is that I want someone to run up behind this show, throw a burlap sack over its head, toss it in the back of a van, and drive it to a premium cable channel’s office immediately. It’s not even NBC’s fault. It’s just that I want a show about Blackbeard — starring John Malkovich as Blackbeard — to have tons of violent pirate murder and gratuitous nudity and cussing — SO MUCH CUSSING — because I’ve been spoiled by shows like Deadwood and Game of Thrones, and you simply can’t do that on network television. I give NBC all the credit in the world for putting together what looks like a very cool series on paper. I really do. A+ and a rocketship sticker on this one, gang. But daddy needs ACTION.