Contains spoilers through season six of Game of Thrones.
Between his somewhat fraught relationship with the man he thought was his father, Ned Stark, to leaving that behind and becoming the King In The North (and a secret Targaryen) on his own terms, Jon Snow has grown from boy to man before viewers’ eyes. But even before you consider the implications of R + L = J, Jon’s relationship with the man he thought was his father was always filled with complexity. As a bastard, he was in the family, but not quite.
While we now know more about why Ned kept information about Jon’s mother a secret, that lie between them was always a strain. Without knowing his true parentage, Jon never really knew who he was. Despite that, in season six, he begins to come to terms with being Ned’s son and the responsibilities that come along with it. Even though they long treated him like an outsider, Jon has finally stepped out of his father’s shadow to lead the North on his own terms, inspiring viewers who are driven to be their own person and stride out from under someone else’s shadow — be it a parent, a sibling, or someone else. The clues have been set for Jon Snow’s change of heart since the beginning if you know where to look, so let’s do that.
“There are five pups. One for each of the Stark children. The direwolf is the sigil of your house. They were meant to have them.”
While he may have believed that Ned was his father, Jon knew that he was a second-class citizen as a bastard. While he loved his brothers and sisters, there was always an otherness about his interactions with them. While his status as Ned’s bastard did afford him a certain amount of privilege, he would never be equals with his siblings unless Ned legitimized him. As Cat would never allow that, the bastard title remained a brand upon his forehead. It’s hard enough to live up to your father’s standards without such an impediment.
“Is my mother alive? Does she know about me, where I am, where I’m going? Does she care?”
Jon’s hostile relationship with Cat left him without a motherly figure in his life and he constantly felt that void. While we now know why Ned kept such a secret, the strain of the lie took its toll. Perhaps if Ned had known how it was all going to turn out, he would have disclosed the truth to Jon before his death. While we know he was prioritizing Jon’s safety, this sin of omission did nothing to help the father/son strain.
“I never met my mother. My father wouldn’t even tell me her name. I don’t know if she’s living or dead. I don’t know if she’s a noblewoman or a fisherman’s wife… or a whore. So I sat there in the brothel as Ros took off her clothes. But I couldn’t do it. Because all I could think was what if I got her pregnant and she had a child, another bastard named Snow? It’s not a good life for a child.”
His shady parentage drove nearly every decision that Jon made. After the pain of being a bastard, Jon made sure to never make the same choices that he assumed his father had. Even if it meant denying himself many things, Jon was not about to bring a child into the same sort of life that he had. While leaving Winterfell for the Wall put physical distance between Jon and Ned, the fall out of leaving the relative safety of the North also made the void between father and son seemingly insurmountable.
“Everyone knew what this place was, and no one told me. No one but you. My father knew, and left me to rot at the Wall, all the same.”
Jon’s early bitterness about his situation seeps into every aspect of his life. While he wanted to flee his situation and head to the wall of his own accord, he went because he thought it would bring him honor and purpose that he could never get as a bastard, traditionally. Still, the hell that awaited him without warning from his father was just another thing to make him feel like his father had pawned him off as an inconvenience. Viewers can see the hurt beneath the broody exterior, but recognizing that hurt is a big step that can power someone’s movement toward change.
“My father told me big men fall just as quick as little ones if you put a sword through their hearts.”
Ned Stark taught his sons to back up their words with action, and Jon brought that with him to the battlefield and the command. As he finds his place among the Free Folk and the Night’s Watch (or so he thought), Jon starts to let go of some of the anger that held him back and he starts to embrace the legacy of his father instead.
“I’m Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch. My place is here.”
With the Night’s Watch, Jon had thought he had finally found a place where he belonged and a place where he could contribute to the greater good. It… did not work out exactly as he had hoped. Still, he felt a loyalty to the brotherhood, because for a while, it gave him a place that he had never had before. He may have had to deal with the hatred of Alliser Thorne and his cronies, but for a while, Jon had a purpose. Unfortunately for him, it didn’t last. Still, it is easy to see that his disconnect with the Starks made him extra open to the belonging that came with his friends who also took the black.
“Thousands of men don’t need to die. Only one of us. Let’s end this the old way. You against me.”
Ned raised his son to be a man of honor, and Jon carried that influence with him even as he rises through the ranks. After his death and resurrection, Jon truly embraced what it meant to be the son of Ned Stark (just as it would be revealed that he is actually his nephew) and to take his place as the only one who could take back Winterfell from the Boltons. While copying him in armor, hairstyle, and fur preference, Jon also took to heart many of the lessons that Ned had long instilled in him — proving that you can take the good from someone and build off it.
“Jon, a raven came from the Citadel. A white raven. Winter is here.” — Sansa
“Well father always promised, didn’t he?” — Jon Snow
While his father’s words are an omen, Jon now takes their certainty as a boon instead of a warning. Ned was not known for keeping his promises to Jon (to be fair, his death was what got in the way), but at least this one bears weight. Winter is coming, just as Ned promised, but now Jon is ready to face it as his own man as well as his father’s son.
“When we had feasts, my family would sit up here, and I’d sit down there.” — Jon Snow
“Could have been worse, Jon Snow. You had feasts. You had a family.” — Melisandre
“Aye. I was luckier than most.” — Jon Snow
Jon may have been bitter about his circumstances in season one but gaining some life experiences eventually gave him some perspective. After seeing the true harshness of Westeros, while his life as a bastard in Winterfell may not have been ideal, it certainly was better than most. While we have yet to see how Jon will react to the news that his father isn’t really his father (assuming he ever finds out), at least he has made peace with his past and the hand that he was dealt.
“Free folk, the northerners, and the nights of the vale fought bravely, fought together, and we won. My father used to say that we found our true friends on the battlefield.”
At the end of season six, we see Jon become a man that his father, or rather uncle, would be proud of. As the King in the North, he both steps out of Ned’s shadow as his own man while also honoring the Stark legacy. Jon is and always will be a Stark Wolf, even if the blood of the Dragon unknowingly courses through his veins.
