“I would drag my balls through 3 miles of glass just to hear her fart through a cellphone.” Wise words from YouTube commenter hobohunter. Also, yes? (Via)
The 10 Most Interesting Rock Star Sex Secrets From Groupie Dirt — Kid Rock’s sex life is just as disgusting as you’d assume. (Uproxx)
These Girls’ High School Yearbook Quotes Put All Others Quotes to Shame — These girls have Nguyen the Internet. Thank you for letting me steal your joke, Robopanda. (Uproxx)
Five Ways Microorganisms Will Make Your Life Easier — My wife says I’ve got a microorganism where my penis should be! /still thinking of “Community” (Gamma Squad)
Which Major League Baseball Player Tried to Crash a Porn Star’s Birthday Party? — Shoulda been you, Pussy Tebeau, but you’ve been dead 70 years. CLASSIC Pussy. (With Leather)
This Week in Posters: James Bond, Bill Murray in Plaid, Spazzy Will Smith — Worth it for the Photoshops of the terrible picture to the right. (Film Drunk)
Surviving the Struggle: 20 Motivational Rap Songs — “In Due Time” is such a good song. (Smoking Section)
This Is What It Looks Like When Jeffrey Dahmer Signs Your Yearbook — (BuzzFeed)
Gilbert Gottfried Reads Fifty Shades of Grey — (College Humor)
Toonami’s Back, Bitches — (Adult Swim)
First clip from the set of the U.S. “Sherlock.” Looks appalling. — (Fark)
Elisabetta Canalis in a Bikini, Lubing Up The Dictator — (Guy Speed)
Fantastic Wonder Woman Cosplay Out of Nowhere — (Unreality Mag)
Texas Forever: Ranking the Post-“Friday Night Lights” Movies of the Show’s Main Cast — (Pajiba)
Nick Offerman Would Do Anything For the Cubs to Win the World Series — (Bro Bible)
10 Uninhabited Islands and Why Nobody Lives on Them — (Mental Floss)
A Tribute to Gillian Anderson’s “derp” Face — (Death + Taxes)
The Best Picture of a Dog Dressed As Two Pirates Carrying a Treasure Chest You’ll See Today — (The High Definite)
