Kenny Powers isn’t always honest with himself, but he’s always honest when it comes to expressing how he feels about others. Through four seasons of Eastbound & Down (which is available to stream on HBO Now), Kenny pissed off nearly everyone he encountered with his no-holds-barred brand of honesty. And while his method of laying it all out there isn’t for everyone, there’s a certain refreshing quality to “f*cking somebody up with some truth.” If you’re feeling that you could use a little bit of confidence to be more honest, let these Kenny Powers moments of hard truth inspire you. Just be careful that you don’t go around dropping these atomic truth bombs word-for-word.
“I’m about to f*ck you up with some truth.”
Obviously, if we’re going to do a rundown of hard truth Powersisms, then we gotta kick it off with this stunner. When Kenny first rolled back into April’s life, he was just as cocky as when he left it, but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t show her how he truly felt. When April rejects Kenny’s invitation to follow him to Tampa, he flat-out tells her he needs her support. This line’s certainly guaranteed to grab somebody’s attention, so make sure you follow it up with something that’s gonna hit’em hard.
“You can train all you want. You can work on your catchin’ and your throwin’ and your runnin’. Hell, it might even be enough to get you into the majors. But, in order to be a standout, an all-star, a champion, you need more than hard work and dedication. You need something that you can’t work for. You need a blessing from God Almighty.”
Kenny Powers is without a doubt one of the cockiest TV characters ever, but that doesn’t mean he’s not self-aware… sometimes. It’s a hard truth, but not everyone is cut out to be a champion. More often times than not, the greats are just born with a little something extra that the rest of us will never have, no matter how much practice time is put in. Kenny knows this and he’s not afraid to tell it like it is.
“You’re crazy if you think you can just swoop in here and I’m weak and you can take my power. You’re not gonna be team leader. I’m unstoppable. *CHOMP*”
Kenny and Ivan hated each other from the start and things never improved during his time on the Myrtle Beach Mermen. Shane’s death only made tensions worse, and Kenny wasn’t about to let Ivan steal his nonexistent thunder in the minor leagues. If you really want to be blunt with whoever the Ivan Dochenko may be in your own life, spit this line out and follow it up with a KP chomp for maximum impact.
“Not all alphas are born, children. Some animals become great. They use their mind, form respect, and build alliances.”
The idea of somebody like Kenny Powers molding the impressionable minds of tomorrow is a scary thought. While much of Kenny’s parenting is questionable — like keeping a pet wolf — he doesn’t pull any punches when it comes to telling his kids the truth about talent and pecking order. Rest assured, though; the Powers children will grow to become their own alphas and form and likely break alliances. It’s the Powers way.
“I can already tell that I don’t like you. And I’m probably not gonna like you, no matter how many pull-ups or push-ups you do.”
Kenny Powers isn’t one to put up a phony front upon meeting somebody, whether it be adult or child. He may be a washed up MLB star who has now been reduced to grade school P.E. teacher, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to hold his tongue when it comes to his opinion on his pupils. This sort of honesty probably won’t put you in good standing in the workplace, but then again, the KP brand of honesty isn’t for everyone.
“I know you are all looking at me and thinking like, ‘That guy is exactly my same age.’ But I’m not. I’m a grown-up, real person. Y’all don’t have a f*cking clue. Y’all are doing Facebook sh*t, the Internets, the DVDs? That’s all bullsh*t. Your sh*t isn’t real. But from where I’m standing, a full-grown man who’s achieved his dreams. My sh*t is about as real as it gets. Besides, I can out-party, out-drink, and out-f*ck all of you.”
Kenny Powers has no patience for millennials — or most people, really — and when he rolls up in Andrea’s college class, he doesn’t hold back. Yes, he’s out of touch in his belief that he can physically pass for a 22-year-old and his shunning of “the internets and DVDs” is even more out there, but the man has no qualms about letting the entire class know he’s a “grown-up, real person.” This sort of honesty is bound to sting, but Kenny Powers isn’t the type of person to sugarcoat the truth to spare hurt feelings. Are you?
