Laura Prepon was on Letterman last night to promote my beloved Orange is the New Black, and when Dave asked her about those pesky Tom Cruise rumors and how they started, Prepon played dumb — avoiding the dreaded S-word and claiming that she had no idea.
OK let’s be real here. Laura Prepon is probably not dating Tom Cruise. At this point she’s publicly refuted the rumors at least twice now, and you know Camp Cruise would not be having that if something were actually going on. But as far as the rumors go? Girl, please. We all know you’re a Scientologist, and that Tom Cruise is a Scientologist, and that you’re kind of a rising-star It-girl actress nearly twenty years younger than Tom Cruise, which is exactly what he looks for in a wife.
It’s a very, very plausible sounding rumor, is all I’m saying. Like those stupid Onion-style copycat satire websites that suck at satire and publish something about Crystal Pepsi making a limited time comeback — WHICH IS VERY BELIEVABLE, BTW, given our society’s obsession with nostalgia and irony — and next thing you know I’ve written an entire article about Crystal Pepsi and it’s all just a big stupid lie.
So what was I saying? Oh, yes: Laura Prepon and Tom Cruise, definitely not dating: