While some of you will be spending Valentine’s Day with that special someone, others are out there still searching for their light in the darkness. Leslie Jones is one such person, as she explains during Saturday Night Live. Despite her constant flirting with Colin Jost at the Weekend Update desk, Jones knows the type of man she wants. And she gets very specific in her demands, almost to a point of craziness: politeness, punctuality, a really tight ass, a good-sized and fully functioning penis, that Israeli smell — you have to assume the desert carries a unique fragrance — and an affinity for weed. There’s also malice toward avocados and sending flowers because it essentially means you’re into the smell of corpses or something insane.
Sure it sounds like some fantasy man, or a recipe for a male version of Jones herself. But hey, if you can’t set high standards for love, then what’s the point, right? Love is supposed to be forever and you should at least find someone who hits a couple of those check marks before you decide to settle down.
Colin Jost better watch out, though. I don’t think he could do too much to stop Leslie from making her moves on him if she really wanted to.