Louis C.K's New, New Testament: 20 Commandments to Live By

By 03.08.12

I was re-watching a Louis C.K. stand-up special on Netflix this weekend (because there’s nothing else to watch on Netflix, but that’s another story on another site) and as I was listening along to his bits, a certain life philosophy began to take shape. Louis C.K. has a very wise, very profane, and very funny perspective on existence. One joke in particular got me thinking: Louis C.K. should write a self-help book — more like a pamphlet, really. Maybe he could even put it on stone tablets. In fact, you know what: Louis C.K. should have his own Bible. He should compile a set of principles relating to ethics and worship, which would play a fundamental role in how we live our lives. No, actually, you know what? Louis C.K. should start his own goddamn religion, and these should be Louis’s 20 Commandments.


Thou Shalt Refrain from Optimism


Thou Shall Not Interrupt One’s Life to Tweet About It

Thou Shalt Not Interrupt One's Life to Text or Tweet About It


Thou Shall Avoid Hyperbole


Thou Shall Not Blame Technology for One’s Sh*tty Life


Thou Shall Honor God By Masturbating


Thou Shall Continue to Eat Until You Hate Yourself


Thou Shalt Have Sexual Relations with Ewan McGregor


Thou Shall Respect a Woman’s Nonviolent Stance


Thou Shalt Never Complain of Boredom


Thou Shalt Not Interfere in the Marriages of Others


Thou Shall Have the Appropriate Perspective on Race


Thou Shalt Not Rape

Thou Shalt Not Rape


Thou Shall Protect the Earth


Thou Shalt Not Murder, Unless Thou Can Get Away With It


Thou Shall Limit One’s Dreams


Thou Shalt Not Complain About Petty, Insignificant Bulls*t


Thou Should Be Careful of About Crossing a Woman


Thou Shalt Not Be Afraid of a Woman’s Body


Thou Shalt Have a Code, But You Don’t Have to Live By It


Thou Shalt Ignore the Commandments of God

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