The Red Planet. The Fire Star. The Hemorrhoid in the Sky. Mars has many names, but ever since humans developed the ability to look up and saw Big Dusty Rusty just sitting there, acting all lazy like, it’s been our goal to blast someone in a phallus-looking metal magic machine into the black ocean, land on her Edward James Olmos face, and then colonize the hell out of her. Oh man, is anyone else getting hot? *fans self*
Anyway, a new reality show is looking to find a team of Joe Jetpacks to send to Mars in 2023. One-way ticket.
The Netherlands-based nonprofit Mars One, which hopes to put the first boots on the Red Planet in 2023, released its basic astronaut requirements on Tuesday, setting the stage for a televised global selection process that will begin later this year.
Mars One isn’t zeroing in on scientists or former fighter pilots; anyone who is at least 18 years old can apply to become a colony pioneer. The most important criteria, officials say, are intelligence, good mental and physical health, and dedication to the project, as astronauts will undergo eight years of training before launch…The organization will fund most of its ambitious activities by staging a global reality-TV event that follows the colonization effort from selection through the settlers’ first years on Mars. (Via)
If The Simpsons has taught us anything, it’s that the “SIMPSONS ARE GOING TO MARS” episode will air in 2018. Also, anyone can become an astronaut, once you kick alcohol and wake up at the crack of dawn everyday and love eight years of intense, boring training and don’t mind never seeing your family again and could easily die in space, where apparently no one can hear you scream, except for the other astronauts, who will throw you out the window before you even land on Mars once cabin fever sets in. Really, it’s a win-win situation.
It also makes for great reality TV. I mean, not as good as this…
…but pretty close.