Note: Orange is the New Black discussion posts are intended to give a full season perspective, and may contain minor spoilers.
So this was Vee’s big plan? To get all of the girls in custodial so they could make cigarettes? Did I miss something but where are the tobacco and rolling paper even coming from? Dumbest big plan ever. Also complicating the dumbest plan is Cindy, who is abusing her power much like she did in the flashbacks of her time as a TSA agent, which is likely the reason she found herself incarcerated in the first place. Usually these flashbacks induce some kind of sympathy or understanding of a character, but Cindy is just kind of the worst. Aside from the whole abuse of power thing, having her mother raise her child and then failing to even be a functional person while taking her sister-daughter out for ice cream, stranding her in the car in a shady neighborhood? The worst.
OH BUT NO WAIT, because I forget Larry is the original worst, who is now full on f*cking his estranged fiancee’s best friend. I think I’m just going to turn these recaps into rants about how much I hate Larry and wish that he dies in some kind of hiking accident that leaves him naked and paralyzed — but still very much conscious and aware of his surroundings — while a swarm of fire ants attacks him. Too far? Not far enough?
Meanwhile Jimmy’s escape is already affecting all of Litchfield. The correctional officers are required to write up more shots, which then trickles down to the inmates, creating a heightened sense of tension throughout the entire prison. This is going to come back and bite Caputo on the ass, for sure.
- Cindy actually seemed like kind of a fun TSA agent, except for the part where she gropes your dick and makes off with your iPad.
- Don’t do it Poussey! If Poussey goes down for selling Vee’s cigarettes, I swear I will burn the entire internet to the ground.
- I thoroughly approve of the reporter who kind of looks like Liam McPoyle (a.k.a Gavin Orsay from House of Cards) going over Larry’s head to get the scoop from Piper, even if she’s not having it. F*ck Larry.
- Hahahaha Bennett listens to Fleet Foxes. That is the least surprising thing ever. I knew that dude had Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros written all over him.
- For joy, the triumphant return of Soso — who complains about the cruelty factor of the prison food. My feeling is that if you’re a vegetarian, you should probably just avoid the whole getting sent to prison thing in the first place.
- I have to say that I loved the scene where Piper encourages Morello to write a beauty column. I completely non-ironically admit that I am 100% rooting for her character. And who knew? Instant coffee makes for perfect eyeshadow.
- “Why is the, um, walrus in such a bad mood?” That’s Mr. Healy.” “Fanstastic!” First legitimate contribution by Daya this season.
- O’Neill and that kind of butch, older lady guard were f*cking???? Fun fact: I spend half of these recaps scouring IMDB trying to figure out secondary or third tier character names. Anyway, that was totally random. And ladies: A man who will bring a Vitamix is totally a keeper.
- So Fig is in a sexless marriage. Surprise of the goddamn century that lady isn’t getting laid. Come on, even frosty ballbreakers want to feel wanted.
- Oh my god, that ending. Compassionate release? My father worked for a nearby state mental institution in the ’80s that closed down and pretty much just released their patients out into the streets. This stuff actually happens in real life and it’s horrifying.
On a side note: Thanks to everyone who has patiently worked through this season with me. Over halfway through! The way Netflix original series are released means that everyone watches on their own terms, so I really appreciate all of the constructive dialogue you guys have brought with each recap.