GOOD NEWS: Prince will appear on The Arsenio Hall Show next Wednesday, March 5, as the solo guest. He will sit down for an extended interview and perform multiple songs.
BETTER NEWS: The last time Prince appeared on a late-night show to perform multiple songs, he borrowed a guitar from a member of The Roots, shredded the everloving mess out of it, then threw it up in the air and walked right out of the damn building as it was crashing to the stage, because Prince is the greatest.
BEST NEWS: The announcement about Prince’s forthcoming appearance was delivered by a Prince impersonator, who I have chosen to believe was sent there by Prince himself and not just an Arsenio staffer the show dressed up for the occasion, because the idea of Prince dispatching a look-a-like of himself to announce his presence somewhere is just the best and most Prince possible thing imaginable. I hope this policy extends far beyond late-night television shows. Just the mental image of a Prince impersonator showing up at, like, Applebees to tell a confused hostess that the real Prince will need a table the following week is enough to sustain me for months.